Camping
by FuryPossessed
Summary: Dimitri leaves the Guardian ranks after being injured putting up a tent but more importantly he leaves Rose behind. What will Rose do when he comes back after the Trials to say hello and congratulations? Set after Frostbite, Shadow Kiss doesn't happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone it's FuryPossesed here! I had this idea when I was on holiday trying to sleep in a freezing tent, unfortunatly Dimitri (who belongs to Richelle Mead, as does Rose) wasn't there to keep me warm. It's my first VA fic so please tell me what you think and if I got the characterisation down. Love you all! **

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The driving wind buffeted the tent making the flimsy structure shudder and groan. I was glad Dimitri knew how to put tents up because I sure ass hell didn't.

Dimitri… I was sharing a tent with him and although it fit both of us I it he insisted on sleeping on the floor whilst I had the camp bed. It had taken his strength to put the legs in the holes of the stretcher-like frame. He'd done it whilst I puzzled over the tent he'd entrusted me to construct.

I tipped everything onto the floor hoping to find instructions no such luck. Typical. My best guess was that it was guardian issue so everyone, apart from me, knew how to put it up. Damn guardian secrets. I picked up a pole which was easy to put together but I didn't have a clue which hole it went through. As the wind started to pick up I threw the poles on the fabric of the tent and sat on top of it with a sigh. A very frustrated sigh. I hated looking incompetent in front of him and here I was struggling to put a tent up. Dimitri looked over to me, a half smile playing on his lips.

"What's wrong, Rose?"

As if he didn't know. Instead of throwing the pegs at him I said, "The tent is refusing to go up."

"I doubt that's the tent's fault, Rose." the last leg of the camp bed popped into place. He wasn't even looking at what he was doing. If I wasn't so distracted by the way his hair fell to frame his dark, dark eyes, which had lost their guardian mask, I probably would have thrown the pegs at him. As it was I was lost for words.

He put the bed the right way up and began putting the rest of the poles together. He then instructed me to stand at a certain point which was apparently the top left hand corner and began feeding the pole through. We did the rest of the poles in the same way in that comfortable silence we shared. He was just about to secure the last pole into place when I looked up to the sky.

"Um, Comrade," I said studying the black clouds. He turned to me. The wind picked up. "You may want to hurry that up."

His eyes turned skywards. His guardian mask slipped back on and just as the pole he was holding slipped and tore through his hand. I dashed to his side but he was already working on getting the pole into place smearing blood on it.

"Rose, get the pegs."

"I need to fix you up."

"I'll be fine – "

"Dimitri – "

"Rose." He looked me in the eye.

"Pegs."

I hated leaving him like that, bleeding onto the floor, but if he said he'd be okay, he'd be okay. Besides there was only so far he could go in a tent. I pegged the corners down whilst he worked on the guy ropes which were now flapping in the bitter cold wind. I went to the car without him seeing me and wrestled with door. I grabbed the first aid kit and a bottle of water and was thankful the wind closed the door for me because I didn't think I could have even with Dimitri's help.

By the time I was in the windless bubble of the tent I was frozen to the core. The skin of my fingers had cracked and was bleeding, my wrist had been turned red raw where my _ckotki_ had flapped around in the wind and most of my toes had gone numb.

Dimitri was sat on the floor trying to turn a shirt into bandages. I took it from him and put the first aid box in his lap and took his hand. It was still bleeding although sluggishly, clotting already started. Blood had dried on palm around the jagged wound and between his fingers and encrusted on his fingernails. And dirt. Dirt covered his hand and was deep inside the wound.

"Did you use this hand to put the pegs in?" I asked incredulously.

He sheepishly looked away. I sighed in exasperation. In my bag there was a camping bowl which was, typically, right at the bottom. To save time I just tipped everything out and ripped the box open. It didn't look much like a bowl. More like a swimming cap with a thick rim. Whatever. I'd make fun of it later.

He obediently put his hand over the 'bowl' and waited for me to pour water all over it. When I did he winced a little but it was nothing compared to when I poured alcohol on the wound. I found a little hip-flask marked 'whisky'. If I could do that cool one eyebrow thing I would have. As it was he knew the question behind my eyes and didn't hesitate before nodding his consent. When I poured that on his hand his other one clenched his thigh and even his guardian mask slipped a little. When I finished I offered him the rest of the flasks contense but he declined. Probably something to do with setting an example to students because I was pretty sure he would have taken it if Stan or Alberta offered.

After that it was a simple task of putting the butterfly stitches on and bandaging him up. I quickly washed my hands and then began gathering my clothes back up. Just when I thought I had everything he picked something up. Just knowing it was going to be a bra – because that was my luck – I took it without looking at him. Until I realised _which_ bra it was. Only one bra felt like that. My _black_ one. My _sheer_ black one. And it was _lace_.

Adrian had given it to me at Christmas. The one at the ski lodge. He waited until my mom wasn't around to give it to me and then left before I had even opened it no doubt guessing my reaction. It probably wasn't what he thought it would be. instead if packing it back up I put it in my wardrobe and guiltily thought 'I wonder what Dimitri would think'.

I guess I was about to find out because I involuntarily looked into his eyes. The guardian mask was gone and his eyes were deeper than I'd seen them in a long time. Almost as deep as the night of the lust charm. His breathing was slow and heady, his breath warm on my face. He leaned forward and the air thickened between us even more than before. If that was possible. Lightning struck over head and thunder rumbled for a long time. Neither of us moved, the connection between us sizzling.

"Roza." In that one word was more love than I thought any man could bestow upon a woman.

I leaned in and his hand came to the side of my face, his fingers twining in my hair. Even thought it was hid injured hand I could feel heat coming through the bandage. Electricity filled the air around us making it hard to breathe.

The wind surged swinging the tent. And the lamp. Into my head.

"Shit!" I cursed but my voice was drowned out by the sudden downpour of rain and another rumble of thunder. I had a feeling Dimitri was chuckling or containing a full blown laugh.

I glared at the lamp which I then had to turn on because even though it was daylight hours the storm clouds had blocked out that sun.

Dimitri was putting a sleeping bag on the camp bed. I remembered I was still holding a lacy black bra and shoved it into my bag also remembering that I did not pack this. I was going to _kill_ Adrian when we got back.

"Where's the other sleeping bag, Rose?"

Other sleeping bag? He'd said that we were sleeping in motels all the way. I was on my way to go to the most important interview of my life. For the second time. Last time I was supposed to do it the guy who was supposed to conduct the interview, Arthur Schoenberg, had been found dead with a few other guardians and the Moroi they protected. By Dimitri and I no less. When he told me I had to go to the royal court this time round he said we'd stay in motels. There was no sense in getting the private jet out for two people to use when there was plenty of time to drive there. I'd been thrilled at the prospect of spending the next few days, maybe slightly over a week, alone with my Russian God.

"You have the sleeping bag, I'll wrap up in coats."

"Sure." I said moving it onto the floor.

"And the bed, Rose."

"But – " he gave me his 'don't argue you won't win' look. "No way, Comrade. I'm not losing this one."

"Rose," it was his exasperated voice this time, "I barely fit in the tent as it is. I'll be comfier on the floor."

I carried on shifting to the floor.

"Rose, get back on the bed."

No matter our relationship, how close we were, or how much I loved him I had to follow orders. He was my instructor after all. I glared at him the whole time I moved back to the bed and again when I was snuggled in the sleeping bag. He sighed and pulled his duster higher round his cheeks.

"Dimitri…"

"I'll be fine, Rose. You should get some rest."

I sighed and shifted on the bed turning away from him. The temperature dropped and I once again cursed the Strigoi for being allergic to sunlight. If they worked daylight hours we'd be able to sleep at night. Although it was colder then it hadn't chucked it down with rain yet the entire time we'd been travelling.

"Why didn't we sleep in the car like I said?" I asked no one in particular.

Dimitri answered me anyway, "Because they gave us a Yaris."

Whilst the word didn't mean anything to me I knew what he meant. The car was tiny. At least it was warm. And had air con.

"I hate Alberta." I grumbled.

"Night, Rose." Dimitri smiled and turned the lamp off.

Outside the storm got heavier. The wind grew stronger and louder, howling underneath the car and whistling in the guy ropes. The temperature dropped. Drastically. Rain turned into hail threatening to tare through the fabric of the tent. I closed my eyes against it and wished I didn't have such sensitive hearing. Deafening wasn't even close. I began to get a little chilly even in my sleeping bag. I pulled it a bit tighter. Then Dimitri _swore_.

If I was cold then he was freezing. I didn't know exactly what his expletive mean but I'd heard it enough in our training sessions to be able to repeat it and I knew enough of his expression to understand the meaning of the word: he wasn't enjoying this one bit.

"Dimitri are you okay?" I asked. I knew of course he wasn't but I hoped that admitting how cold he was he'd resort to survival text book style, i.e. sharing body heat., naked.

"Siberia is and 'arctic waste land' remember? I'll be fine." I rolled over to protest but he said, "Rose, go back to sleep."

I knew his no arguing tone all too well and obeyed. He'd given me and order and I had to follow it.

For a while I managed to ignore him but as I got colder he swore more and pulled the clothes tighter around himself giving away how cold he was. I looked round and saw his breath plume out in front of him.

I knew he'd sacrifice himself for the sake of school rules and keeping our relationship a secret. Especially with how close we'd come to losing control earlier, so getting him to move for his sake was out of the question. But for mine…

I knew that he wouldn't move unless he had real cause so I'd have to fabricate the evidence a bit. Okay a lot. I opened out my sleeping bag earning a question form him. I said I was reaching for another jumper which e seemed to believe. I very quickly felt the cold seeping through my clothes and gnawing at my bones. I held out a little longer waiting for my breath to turn to ice. Before that happened my teeth began to chatter.

"Are you cold, Rose?"

"Freezing, Comrade."

A second later I felt frozen yet strong hands pull me down to the floor and next to a frozen, muscle bound chest. I gasped and momentarily pulled away from him before realising I was in his arms for the second time ever. Alright he was an icicle but he was my Russian God. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and breathed into my hair, resting his cheek on my head.

"We won't both fit in the bed, Roza." He whispered.


	2. Qualifier

**This is for all the poeple who asked me to update and put story and author allerts on this one. DuskyGurl - as soon as I sent you the quick message back I realised I hadn't thanked you for the review ad alerts - so let me say it now Thank You very much! Feeling loved (: **

**So for all the people who like the stroy - Here you go I hope you enjoy. Oh lets aim for five reviews before I update, I like to know poeple still like what I'm writing it give me more motivations, SO the more reviews the sooner I'll update. Anyway hope you like. **

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**Apart from protecting Lissa I'd never given much thought as to how I was going to die. Honestly, protecting any Moroi was a good way to go but if I had to pick a specific Moroi to die for then it would be Lissa. I was going to be her guardian after all, right? But if Lissa wasn't my charge then who? My heart sang: Dimitri. My mouth said: "Whoever I was protecting at the time."

"And what about Mason?"

My heart clenched at the mention of his name and all I could see for a few seconds was him lying lifeless at my feet. He'd only died a couple of weeks ago and I was still nowhere near close to getting over his death. I kept asking myself 'what if' questions. What if I hadn't told him I still loved him? What if I'd figured out how to escape sooner? What if I hadn't told him about Spokane in the first place?

"What about him?" I asked calmly in a great effort of self control. All I really wanted to do was cry or shout at her for bringing her up but I'd always known this might come up. I shrugged it off hoping to look cool and collected but I seriously doubted I'd managed to keep the pain off my face in the first place.

"How do you feel about his death?"

"Upset. Sad. Angry. Don't particularly want to talk about it." If I were talking to anyone else I would have put a 'back off' warning in there somewhere.

I hadn't been told who was giving me my qualifier. As soon as I walked into the room I wish I'd asked. Simona Basserab. The _Head_ of the Guardian Council. It wasn't just her name that was scary either. It was pretty much everything about her. She still had a fighter's stance and eyes that darted around the room in the typical dhampir way. And they were very perceptive. There was no doubt she'd seen shock when I walked through the door and an extra layer of tension when she said Mason's name. But what was I to expect from the head of the council? A molly-coddling grandmother figure? Hell no. This woman was all muscle., fighting stance, perceptive eyes, serious eyes and plain scary. All of that in an eighty year old. Somehow I wasn't ashamed to be scared of her. Just being in her presence demanded you give your upmost respect. Hell I could feel her power from where I sat a few feet away from her.

But she was also playing a mind game. If she expected me to fall she had another thing coming.

"How angry?" she asked.

"Very?"

"Don't you want to do anything about it?"

"I've already killed the strigoi who killed him." My hand subconsciously went to the back of my neck which was now adorned with two _molnijas_. "Sure I'm still angry but I'm not going to do anything stupid like go strigoi hunting or anything."

Ironically that's what Mason _had_ been doing when he died. There had been attacks on a couple of royal families – the Badicas and the Vodas – and he'd gone off the handle angry about it. And me, stupid me had told him where they were hiding out all because I was angry at Dimitri. When he'd told me where they were Dimitri had said I was to keep the information to myself. But I'd told Mason anyway because I was angry at him. It wasn't just our lives that had been put in danger when he left. He took Eddie, a fellow novice, and Mia, a non royal Moroi, with him and Christian, Lissa's snarky boyfriend, had tagged along with me when I went to get them back before the guardians realised they were gone. It was amazing that the rest of us got out alive. Barely alive. Christian and Mia had both used impressive amounts of magic in our escape and were severely blood deprived, Eddie had been used as a snack over the duration of our captivity and I had been emotionally scared.

"Rosemarie?" Simona prompted bringing me round from my daze.

At that particular moment I'd been seeing Eddie's drugged up eyes and slack body. He'd told me that the worst part was not remembering anything. Honestly I was beginning to think I'd rather that than the daily torture I was suffering. It was always a toss up of who I saw. Eddie, or Mason…

"I've seen what Strigoi can do and I know how stupid that is. If anything it's made me want to protect people more."

"Do you want to kill more Strigoi?"

"Yeah sure. I mean, I wouldn't go out looking for any but I'm not afraid of having to do it again like if anyone was in danger."

She seemed satisfied enough and anyone else would have looked at a clip board. Well, maybe except Dimitri. she already knew her next question and I had a sinking feeling I did too.

"Why did you take Princess Dragomir, the last of her family, away from St. Vladimir's?"

It was like the conversation with Stan all over again. He'd given me the greatest humiliation of my life but it had taught me a lesson. Until the moment I said "Moroi blood makes them stronger" I thought I had been perfectly justified in taking Lissa away from school but those two words _Moroi blood_ had been like a slap in the face. Yeah I was embarrassed but the thing I felt most was shame. How had I thought I'd be able to look after her, fend of Strigoi? I'd learned my lesson in one second flat. And after Mason… Yeah I'd been stupid.

"I thought I was doing what was right. Well that's what I thought at the time. Viktor Dashkov was behind all the troubles then as well I think. I didn't think I could trust anyone at the time. I thought I was protecting her."

It seemed like a good idea at the time, along with Ms. Karp's warnings. Alright she was crazy from spirit but there had been some stock in her words. Especially when Lissa thought she was being followed all the time. So I took her away.

"Looking back now I know how naïve and plain stupid I was. I know I shouldn't have needed to do that to learn my lesson but I did. There's nothing I can do about it now." I shrugged. "I also don't think that anyone would have done anything until Dim – Guardian Belikov got to St. Vladimir's.

She did that cool one eyebrow thing. Only it ominous. I deliberated how to explain without giving our secret away. He'd been the only one to take time to help me, teach me and care for me in a way that made me want to prove myself. if I told anyone else what I thought was wrong with Lissa they would have laughed and turned me away. Until it was too late at least. As it was we were almost too late to save Lissa but that was Viktor's fault. Even when we broke the charm we were almost too late because the school wanted to check that I was right whereas Dimitri had trusted me instantly. Before Dimitri arrived they wouldn't have let me help them find her either which would have meant we probably would never have found her and put Viktor in jail. He'd trusted me, treated me like an adult and respected me. He'd tamed my impulsive nature and made me a better person.

Once I'd somehow put what I was trying to say into words Simona asked, "You didn't think you could trust Guardians Petrov or Alto? Out in the real world you need to trust guardians you've never met before with you life."

"I guess I didn't know how to trust people. Guardian Belikov helped me learn how. After the Viktor thing and especially after Spokane I'd trust any guardian with my life."

"You and Guardian Belikov are close?"

Were we ever? "Yeah sure. I mean he's my mentor, been there for me when Lissa's been under the weather and when the Viktor thing happened… she went through a rough patch."

"And after Mason was murdered." Ouch she didn't mince her words.

"Yeah." I sighed. "And after Spokane."

The conversation went on like that for a while. I answered to the best of my ability whilst remaining truthful. Until it came to Dimitri anyway. What made it even harder was that knew he was outside the open door well within earshot. That was scarier than sitting in front of the Head of the Guardian Council because I knew that he'd know if I passed or failed just as quickly as she did. Honestly I was doing this to prove myself to him. Having Simona's recommendation was great for my job but it was Dimitri's that mattered most to me.

"Who do you admire, Rose?" was her last question. "If you had to have a different mentor who would it be?"

"My Mom." I said without hesitation.

She seemed surprised at this. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't even be in the same room with her without being pissed off. But that had changed over Christmas. In Spokane. Everything had changed in Spokane. She'd been there for me after Mason's death and that had thawed the ice between us. But I'd also seen why she was as respected as she was. She'd conducted herself with a calm efficiency even under pressure and emotionally strained. She'd even managed to keep her cool around me which was an achievement in itself. When I'd needed to get everyone out of the house in Spokane it had been my mother's way of working that I'd adopted. I hadn't even thought of what Dimitri would do. There was no doubt about it, she was a great guardian and I admired her. Even though she could have done more in the motherhood department.

She got out of her chair and beckoned me to follow. We walked out the door towards Dimitri. I don't think I'd ever been so glad to see him. Not that I let it show.

"Dimitri, it's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too, Simona."

I oogled at him and said "Jesus Comrade, is there anyone you don't know?"

Simona laughed, weird and Dimitri rolled his eyes and shook his head a little. No doubt he thought my thinking he knew everyone was silly but everywhere he went he seemed to know everyone. _That's respect, Rose, _I thought to myself. _and his reputation._

"What do you think, Belikov?" she asked.

"Rose will be one of our best."

"Good." she turned to me. "Rose, I'm entrusting you with this letter for Alberta, will you see she gets it as soon as you get back? It's nice to know the last Dragomir is in safe hands."

She walked to her office and I looked at the letter she gave me. It was the one from her desk I noticed as soon as I walked in. I hadn't even seen her pick it up. How did an old woman move so fast?

"Rose?" Dimitri asked. "Are you alright?"

I realised I must have been staring at the envelope for a long time.

"What just happened?"

"Rose, you just passed your qualifier."

Not sure I believed him – she did leave pretty quickly – I looked up at him. The only confirmation I needed was I his eyes. They were full of pride and were dancing with happiness. The firs thing I felt was relief. There was a big chance I was going to fail this. Everyone who knew me knew that. But, like Dimitri said the good on my record outweighed the bad. I was going to be allowed to be Lissa's guardian after all. At lead she'd be safe.

I whooped and threw my arms around Dimitri's neck. I half expected him to pull me off. Instead he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

"Thanks, Dimitri." I murmured. When I pulled away I said, "This calls or celebration, Comrade." And lightly punched him in the arm.

He began to walk away an amused light in his eyes and a slight smile playing on his lips.

"How about a McDonalds or a movie or something?"

"Alright, but first Tatiana wants to see you."

"What?" I asked my happy mood gone. "Why?"

He shrugged. "The queen works her own agenda." Anyone else would have missed the slight annoyance in his voice but I knew him too well. I also guessed he thought the amount of tradition she kept going was stupid too.

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**SO that's the next bit, what do you think? **


	3. Mason

**I woke up this morning to 10 lovely emails from fanfic full of story alerts and a review so here's the next update for all you lovely people. Alright I didn't get 5 reviews but alerts work just as well but rememeber I still like to know what you think so PLEASE review and let me know. This one is for Purple Pulse for her lovely review as a sorry for the cliffy yesterday. Anyway I'll shut up so you don't have to wait in suspense any longer. **

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"You'll never be Vasilisa's guardian if I have anything to do with it." Tatiana said without looking at me.

We'd been talking pleasantries for a while – how I'd – unfortunately – met Adrian and the tragedy of the Badica and Voda attacks. Fortunately she'd not mentioned Spokane, I was willing to give her chance. Then she said that.

"Excuse me? You Majesty." I said levelly my anger rising. Of course I'd be her guardian. We had the bond after all. She'd be an idiot to waste that. Kirova's words came back to me from when we were taken back to St. Vladimir's: _expendable_, _expendable_.

"You took her away from St. Vladimir's therefore you will never be her guardian." She motioned a guardian to escort me out of the room correctly guessing my reaction.

I obediently walked out of the room knowing I was no match for the guardian. I hoped to appear calm but as soon as Dimitri saw me his face said that he thought I was going to punch someone. He was right. He took over from the other guardian by gripping my bicep and towed me away. My blood boiled all the way and I could feel myself shaking with anger. I didn't pay much attention to where we were going only we ended up in a guest room of some kind. He let me go and prepared himself for my rant.

"I can't believe that bitch is queen. She threatened to make it so I won't be Lissa's guardian. She can't do that! Can she?" I stopped and looked round at Dimitri. I'd always known I'd be her guardian if I could prove myself and I just had, hadn't I? But Lissa was the last Dragomir it made sense for the queen to have a special interest in her and how safe she was. Suddenly feeling not so sure I hoped Dimitri would comfort me.

"She has influence, Rose. Ultimately it's up to the Guardian Council. She can try but Simona appears to like you and believes you're capable. That will mean more in the end." Not exactly as comforting as I hoped but at least he'd told me the truth.

"It better do." I grumbled. "Who does she think she is anyway? She only looked at the bad stuff I did obviously." I flopped on the bed suddenly tired from the last few days. Alright I hadn't done a lot but that was part of the problem. Mostly it was from the last few hours. Who knew a qualifier could be so exhausting?

"We're staying here tonight and leave tomorrow." Dimitri said taking my mind off the queen.

"Please tell me we're getting a jet home. This morning wasn't fun. Hey, did you get your hand checked out?" It was hard to believe it was only earlier today.

"You did a good job, Rose."

"You need to get it checked out." He didn't look impressed. "Come on or I'll drag you there."

He knew of course that I couldn't but he let me take him all the same.

The last person I expected to see there with a black eye was Mia. But there she was lying on a bed looking slightly out of it. Dimitri was being seen to so I walked over and said hi.

As soon as she saw me tears came to her eyes. The last time we saw each other was Mason's funeral. We sat next to each other in a pew and held each others hands as we let silent tears fall. We were crying not only for Mason but also for the things that we'd witnessed in Spokane but most of all because we'd been too late. Eddie was sat on my other side next to who was Christian.

We'd all come into the church together not sure if we could do this. Mia grabbed my hand and quickly began crying, I squeezed it back and felt Eddie put an arm around my shoulder. Christian stood close by doing a fair imitation of Dimitri's guardian face. It was slowly cracking. We all were. We walked down the isle together and took the first pew on the right. I could see Mason from where we were. In his coffin he looked almost like he was sleeping only he was too pale. Paler than even a Moroi. He was wearing the clothes had on the night of the dance where I broke Mia's nose.

That night I had let him hold my hand and love me a little bit. We'd always been close, our brash natures making our friendship instant and light but very strong. His teasing sing song voice came back to haunt me _'Don't run away Hath-away'_.

"But you should have, Mase, you should have." I whispered regretfully.

Eddie looked at me wondering what I was going on about but then he saw the pain in my eyes and just pulled me into a hug. I felt his tears drip into my hair. The service began.

I didn't even begin to listen to what the priest was saying. Instead I had a video tape of memories of Mason passing through my mind. From the moment we began our proper guardian training we'd paired together and I remembered battles won and lost, laughes shared and injuries caused. Even drunken parties we'd managed to sneak into when we should have been in bed. But most of all I remembered the look in his eyes as he tried to save me certain I loved him. If I'd just told him the truth… If I hadn't lead him on in the first place… If I hadn't told him about Spokane… If Dimitri hadn't told _me_ about Spokane…

I remembered him giving me gallant bows and protecting me from all Mia's rumours. It wasn't fair that a guy as good and kind and brave as him should be the one who got killed. It should have been me for being the one who enabled him to get there, for breaking Dimitri's trust. For killing him. It was my fault he was dead and I hated myself for it. Why hadn't I just been sensible and swallowed my pride and told Dimitri instead of going on some vigilante mission to save my pride? He would have saved them. All of them. Mason would still be here. And the worst he would have besides detention was a broken heart when I told him I couldn't love him. I'd not just killed him out of stupidity but to save my pride. The latter was worse. It meant I was selfish and guilty as hell.

We made our way out to where Mason was going to be buried. We were in his home town so there were a few guardians with us standing around the fringes of the group. The priest said the last prayer and people began to move away. Teary eyed I paid my respects to his sorrow stricken mother.

"He was brave." I started not sure where this was going. "And a good friend and… I'm so sorry."

"You did your best, Rose." Ms Ashford said gently. "We can't ask for more."

I'd wanted her to be angry. I wanted her to shout at me and tell me she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again. I wanted her to blame me for his death. Her kindness caught me by surprise and made my knees go weak.

I walked over to Mason's grave. The lid of the coffin hadn't been closed yet. Again I saw Isaiah throwing his body like a rag doll, heard the snap of his neck. A guy was about to close the coffin and lower him into the grave but I asked him to stop. A stray strand of hair passed over his eyes in the gentle breeze making me remember a time when he'd brushed my hair from my face. I returned the gesture and let my hand linger on his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Mase."

Knowing I couldn't do this anymore I ran off down the grave yard and hid behind a high wall.

I heard footsteps crunch on the gravel of the path a few minutes later. I knew it was Dimitri.

"It's not fair." I whispered my voice hoarse.

"It never is, Rose."

"It should have been me, not him."

"Don't say that."

"But it should have!" I exploded. "He should never have been there. He should never have known where they were. I shouldn't have told him and you shouldn't have told me! If you hadn't told me I wouldn't have been able to tell him and he would be alive right now. You should have known better. You're supposed to know what I'm like and not told me. It's my fault that he's dead! My fault! And you know why I told him? Because I was jealous at Tasha and angry with you." My voice faltered and the rest came out quietly. "I told him because I was angry at you. And then whilst we were escaping he told he me hoped we could work things out between us. And I told him I still loved him. If I'd told him the truth he wouldn't have come back for me. He wouldn't. And he'd be here and he'd only have a broken heart. And I could watch over him and… and…" that's when my tears became incontrollable. "He'd be alright. I went to save him to cover my own stupidity. To save my pride. If I'd just told you…"

"They'd all be dead." He said softly. "Rose, it's not your fault."

"But it is!" I exploded again. "It is." I whispered.

"No. He made his own choices. He chose to go back and save you. He chose to go to Spokane."

"But he wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't told me!" I shot back. "When did you get so stupid Dimitri? You have a part in all this. You're the beginning of this mess."

"Rose…"

"No, Dimitri. Don't. If you hadn't been so careless so stupid he'd still be here."

"Roza…"

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop being so calm about this. No don't touch me! It's your fault and I hate you for it!"

He gripped my arms. "Roza!" he barked.

I instantly stopped babbling my hysterics and looked into his eyes. Then the real tears came. Hug sobs wracked my chest. I'd already cried for what I'd seen, from shock, what I'd done, but not for Mason. Somehow if I didn't acknowledge it then it didn't really happen. It was all a nightmare and I was bound to wake up soon. But it was real. All too real. No matter how much I didn't want it to be it was.

Now looking into Mia's eyes I knew I wasn't the only one still suffering. Christian was good at hiding it. Eddie had changed for ever but seemed to be coping with it but I could see he hurt he still was and Mia… she and I were the ones who still had trouble keeping our tears to ourselves.

"Hello, Rose."

"Hello, Mia." I sat on a stool not sure what to do.

Right now we were both hurting to much to be much conversation for each other. She was still mourning for her mom as well.

"I just passed my qualifier."

"Congratulations. Simona gave me a black eye."

"Moves fast for an old lady, doesn't she."

"Yeah."

From the corner of my eye I saw Dimitri stand up and head towards the door. He hadn't asked me to go with him but I needed to escape.

"My Russian jailor wants me to follow him."

"Yeah, see ya round."

As soon as I fell instep with him Dimitri stopped and pulled me into a hug. I quickly stepped out of it knowing I was going to cry if I stayed in his arms much longer. There were times when I hated how in sync we could be.

"How about that celebration and you buy me lunch?" I asked thickly.

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**So there you have it. I promise the next one will be happier - I hate making Richelle Mead's characters cry! **

**Oh, some reviews would be nice! PLEASIE PLEASE! Fury out! ;) **


	4. Dimitri

**I finally managed to get this chapter to co-operate with me and I think it's okay but what matters most is what you guys think so make sure you tell me by reviewing! I think I promised a happy chapter at the end of the last one but as I was writing the story changed a lot and I think it's going to be better this way. Hope you like it! This one is for _Badass Hathaway_ not just because I love the name but for the lovely review she (I'm asuming you're a girl!) sent me earlier today ;) **

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The drive home was camping free and all I had to out up with was Dimitri's bad music choice. But he was unusually quiet the whole way back. I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn't. He just stayed stonily silent like he did after I kissed him in the gym before the ski trip. Then he told me I needed to drive.

"What?" I asked. Yeah I could drive but not legally. "What if we get caught?"

"Damn it, Rose, I can barely move my hand!"

I sat there stunned. He'd never lost control like that before. His eyes burned into me with anger. But not at me. He was angry with himself. Angry that he couldn't do something simple like drive a car. But he was also scared I could see that much. Regret washed through his eyes and he was on the verge of apologising when I said:

"What did the doctor say?"

"That if I went a few hours earlier I would have been fine. The skin probably won't heal properly and that I could lose some movement in it."

"You can't be a guardian anymore." I whispered.

"I'm sorry."

I almost asked him what for but I quickly realised what he meant. He wouldn't be able to mentor me anymore and I'd lose him. I didn't want to think what my life would be like without him. Colourless came to mind. Everything would be less golden…

"Lissa can heal you!" I said getting excited. "She'll heal you and you can still be a guardian – "

"No."

"What?" I whispered lost for words. "What do you mean 'no?" I was incredulous this time.

"I've thought about it believe me, Rose, I have. She's on the pills."

"They'll only take a few days to – "

"No, Rose. I won't let you sacrifice her for me."

I went to argue again but one look from him had me choking back tears. He'd made his decision and was going to stick to it no matter the solutions I came up with. It was breaking my heart but I had respect his decision.

"What are you going to do?"

"Spend some time with my family then get a desk job at court."

"A desk job! You belong in the field! Protecting people!" I exploded.

"It's all I can do."

"What are you going to tell Lissa? She'll want to heal you."

"I'll tell her what I've told you. The sooner we get home the better."

Without looking at him I opened my door, stepped out and went round the back of the car when he made his way to the front. I knew that if we brushed arms as we passed each other I would cry and wouldn't stop. I slammed the car door closed and revved the engine too hard earning a wince from Dimitri.

The only time he spoke was when giving me directions I stayed silent the whole way back.

As I drove I began to wallow in sorrow. To begin with I'd hated Dimitri for bringing me and Lissa back to St. Vladimir's but then very quickly fell in love with him. The night of the lust charm had been the best life of my life so far even though we hadn't been acting entirely of our own accord. To have him touch me, kiss me and love me had been exhilarating and I'd never wanted it to end. Even now all these moths later I still craved his touch. To lose that…

I don't know why I didn't talk to him, maybe I was still in shock and hurt or maybe it was because I knew he'd made his mind up and I wanted him to be able to make his own decisions about his life. I was angry with him I knew he could see that. I wanted him to do something to comfort me like tell me it was all going to be okay or hold me, or, well something. What I wanted most was for him to change his mind but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Somehow I was able to be happy for him. He was going to see his family again and I knew how much he adored them from the way he spoke about them in our training sessions. He'd be able to tell them he wasn't going to die anytime soon. He'd be safe.

My mind drifted through various similar musings as I drove home and I somehow managed to convince myself that he was doing what was right for him. But that didn't mean I wouldn't give it one last try when we got back.

"Is there no way I can change your mind?" I still didn't look at him in the small confines of the car.

"Roza…"

That one word was enough for me and I got out the car and closed the door, not quite a slam but louder than normal. I skipped the administrative building and went straight to my dorm room. I fell asleep pretty quickly my emotions catching up with me. I slept for longer than I thought I would and the setting sun of Monday greeted me through the window. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that if I hurried I could still make it to practice on time. I doubted Dimitri had left yet and I wanted to say good bye. Still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday I ran all the way there. Only to find Alberta waiting for me.

"He's gone isn't he." I felt tears in my eyes. I stubbornly blinked them back.

"He thought you'd find it easier this way. He left you this." She passed me a letter. I took it and then remembered the letter Simona had given me. It was in my back pocket and I gave it to her.

I stared at my letter for a while before doing anything with it. Alberta read hers and then looked up at me. I was still staring at the envelope.

"Rose, why don't you take the day off? I know you two were close, especially after Spokane and you've been through a lot recently."

"Thanks." I said thickly and left the gym.

I didn't dare open the letter until I was in the solitary confinement of my bedroom.

_Rose, _

_Do your best. I still believe in you. I always have. Don't give Alberta a hard time – she's dong you a favour._

_I know you're angry and must hate me right now but please, listen. I did what I thought was best and I didn't make the decision lightly. It's not just Vasilisa I'm protecting. It's you too. I'll distract you from being the best guardian you possibly can be if I stay. Without me you'll protect Vasilisa better. _

_I'll write to you if you want. Roza, you have no idea how hard this is for me. If I could stay by your side for ever and a day I would. There's nothing I'd like more. I'd like to write to you but if you don't want to hear form me again I will respect that. _

_All my love, _

_Dimitri._

A few tears had fallen onto the page as he was writing; occasionally slipping into his native language as he did so. Now my tears joined his. I was upset and angry and about a million other things. I read the letter over and over again until I had it almost memorised. _If I could stay by your side for ever and a day I would. _But he didn't. He'd said he'd be there for me and would support me if I needed it. And then he'd left. He left when I had a solution to his problem, he didn't even consider it. I didn't notice time pass until I heard Eddie knock on my door. I put the letter away in a draw of my desk and let him come in.

"You and Belikov bunking off at the same time, people are getting suspicious, Rose." he said cheerfully. Then he saw my face and quickly shut up all traces of joking gone. He sat opposite me on the other bed in my room and waited for me to talk.

"He left. He injured his hand whilst we were away and can't move it properly anymore. He'd gone home to Russia then he'll get a desk job at court."

"Oh, man. I never thought he'd go this early."

"No, one did." I whispered trying not to cry again.

"I never figured you were so close."

I laughed. "He's my mentor, Eddie. He made me as awesome as I am today."

Someone else knocked at the door and the bond told me it was Lissa. She was worried that she'd not seen me all day and wondered if I needed healing or something. Not that she could do anything with the pills still in her system. _If only she could heal emotional scars_, I mused as she opened the door. Eddie left and I told Lissa about Dimitri leaving.

I didn't cry even though I wanted to. It was stupid how much I could cry over one man. I didn't show her the letter but talking about it and just being with her was enough to calm me down and make me feel better. She told me she already knew this but let me tell her anyway. It was good it get it off my chest and it felt like old times with me and Lissa, like before Christian was in the picture. I was about to tell her that I loved him but she noticed it was curfew and quickly left so she didn't get into too much trouble.

Training with Alberta was more tortuous than I thought it would be. She did things differently to Dimitri and I didn't like it and found it frustrating that I had to change the way I worked to match her different teaching style. She was less patient than he was earning me a death glare when I was late or when I paused caught up in a memory of him. I didn't have to run as many laps which I found annoying and she didn't advocate them as much which seemed stupid to me after months of him emphasising how important they were.

Days passed in a hazy blur for a while. The only thing that really woke me up was Lissa saying:

"I haven't been taking my meds for the last three days."

I snapped back to reality aware of how careless I'd been. Three weeks had passed since Dimitri left and I'd been the quietest person on campus. Everyone thought that the shock of Dimitri leaving had made everything else that had happed catch up with me and had left me to it. An alarmed search through the bond revealed that nothing was wrong with her, she was just excited.

"Adrian and I are going to experiment with spirit but I've got to see a councillor twice a week."

"Are you crazy?" I asked, "You know what happened last time!"

"But Viktor isn't here anymore. I'll be fine, Rose."

Feeling how happy she was stopped me arguing. "Okay, just be careful. If you start feeling like cutting yourself again tell me."

"I will." She laughed. "It's good to have you back, Rose."

Training picked up the next day with more strenuous exercise and a sudden adage of laps. Grateful, I fell into the familiar routine with ease.

After training and getting some more food I found myself walking to Alberta's office. The door was open and she was on the phone smiling at whoever was on the other end of the line. She didn't notice me straight away.

"She's doing well but she misses you. She still needs your support. I don't know what it is but you seen to be the best person to get through to her. Are you sure you won't come back, Dimitri?"

My heart stopped at the mention of his name. I dropped the packet of crisps I'd been holding getting Alberta's attention.

"Here she is." She smiled and held the phone out to me.

Ignoring the crisps I dropped I slowly walked towards her outstretched hand and took the receiver. She smiled and left the room deciding to give me some privacy.

"Dimitri." I said cordially not sure how to feel about this.

"Hello, Rose."

"You here to check up on Alberta to see if I've killed her yet?"

"I was asking about you actually. You haven't written."

"I haven't wanted to." I said truthfully.

I could imagine him the other end of the phone looking hurt, maybe running a hand through his hair. There was a heavy silence for a few moments. Then I couldn't bare it any longer. He might hang up any minute and this was my one chance at getting him to come back.

"Lissa's off her meds. She could heal you."

"No, Rose. Every time she uses her magic she hurts you. I can't do that."

"_You_ already did." I slammed the phone down not caring if I broke it.

I stormed out of Alberta's office and slammed the door behind me. She was waiting not far down the corridor and I had to pass her to get back to the dorms. She rightly looked alarmed and stopped me in my path.

"Rose, you look like you're about to punch someone." She said.

"He's not coming back. He won't let Lissa heal him and he's not coming back." I ground out not wanting to admit it to myself. "He's being stupid! He's, like, the best guardian out there and he won't help himself just because Lissa's magic hurts me a little bit. He's being stupid, Alberta."

"It's his choice at the end of the day, Rose. You have to respect that."

I did. After the hell we'd both been through with our illicit romance and having to deny our feelings because of our duty I couldn't help respecting that he was finally able to make a decision of his own. I just wished it was something different.

"I do, but I still don't like it."

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**Oooh, Rose sounds completly pissed off! **

**Come on you know you want to review!** **Perlease!**


	5. Pasing Time

**Okay so the last chapter wasn't brilliant so I'm going to have a look at it and improve it some more somehow just for _DuskyGurl_ who gave me some advice [Love you!]. Here's the next chapter which is hopefully way better than the last one. **

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After that the weeks passed in a general routine that I slowly adjusted to. Training with Alberta, classes, more training, hanging out with Lissa. The routine was good – it was what kept me focused instead of drowning in self pity. I kept expecting him to open the door or turn up for training in the mornings and save me from my sorrow. Mostly I just wanted him to call up and tell me that he'd been a huge idiot and was going to let Lissa heal him and he was going to come back to me. But the call never came, nor did any letters.

But I'd be damned if I was the one to crack. The whole time we'd known each other I'd been the one who had to apologise to him for my behaviour and my mistakes I wasn't about to take the blame for this one too. If he wanted this to get fixed he'd have to make the first move.

Once I'd found my self resolve I found it easier to push him form my mind. I didn't stop missing him or wanting him back but I didn't spend as much time thinking about him. Or that date.

We were in one of the Royal Courts many cafés. It was bustling with people when we arrived as it was lunch time. The only table left was in a secluded corner behind a massive plant pot. We couldn't see may people from where we were sat and it felt kind of like a real date. We'd both ordered BLT's and a glass of coke.

"How's the hand?" I asked trying to get his mind off whatever had been occupying it since we left the hospital.

"It's alright." He lied.

"Okay." I said and took a bit of my BLT. He looked relieved which completely gave him away. I munched it sand then said, "Now tell me the truth."

"It's painful." He unwillingly confessed knowing I wouldn't let this drop until I had the truth. "The doctor said I should have seen him earlier because I've got stitches. It might not heal very well."

I looked at his hand which was on the table and debated taking the bandage off so I could have a look at it myself. His fingers involuntarily twitched making him wince. I wanted to hold his hand in mine but I was scared of hurting him even more and my hand hovered over the table above his thick bandage. Seeing my distress he said:

"If it's still troubling me when we got back I'll go straight to Dr. Olendzki."

"Alright." I said sceptically just knowing there was more to what he was saying than he was letting on.

We sat in silence for a while until Dimitri said, "I know it's not a movie but I hope this is okay."

Was it ever? I was practically on a date with my Russian God and we were talking as equals instead of mentor and student.

"Yeah, it's nice." I blushed knowing the meaning behind his words.

I felt loved and for the first time in a while it had nothing to do with comforting me about Mason. I wanted to stay in that moment for ever and just gazing into his eyes and enjoying being around him. He gazed back into my eyes. And my sandwich filling fell onto my lap.

"Damn it." I cursed. Dimitri laughed. "Hey, not cool!"

He laughed some more. It was that easy laugh he'd shared with Tasha all Christmas break and I'd been wanting to hear it again so badly. I was surprised to hear it so soon.

I picked the food off my lap and just enjoyed the date.

I was stunned back to reality when Eddie punched me in the stomach. Training was a bad time to let my mind wander. He pulled me back up and gave me a moment to get some oxygen into my lungs before trying out the new move on me again.

A couple of ordinary weeks passed but then the new semester started. As did the most fun six weeks we'd ever have at school.

Field placements. We'd all just been given our field placements. And I'd been lumped with Jesse Zeklos. I just knew I was going to get in an argument with him myself before the six weeks were up. Fortunately he made me stay like a fly on the wall so I didn't actually have to listen to his incessant idiotic speech. Just so long as I remained polite I would survive. Just.

Over the six weeks I got into a lot of fights with all the instructors and won every fight. But I couldn't help but think that it should have been Dimitri I was fighting to prove myself to everyone else as well as me that I was good enough to protect a Moroi. He would have been the biggest challenge of them all. I knew his moves just as well as he knew mine, we knew each others strengths and weaknesses and habits of combat. It would have been a mind game as well as a physical fight. It would have been the best fight ever.

As it was the closest I came to that was fighting with Alberta. We knew each others moves but not as well as Dimitri and I did. It was a good fight all round with blows on both sides but not as good as the fight Dimitri and I would have had.

Jesse wasn't much of a problem since I was able to ignore him most of the time but one night he had plans for rebellion. He waited until I was asleep before trying to sneak out. And man, it was a lousy attempt. He stepped over me – I was sleeping on the floor – and stood on my fingers in the process. I muffled my cry of pain and waited until he had opened the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked without moving.

"None of your business, Hathaway. Go back to sleep. There won't be any attacks now." he growled.

I knew he was up to no good and I was so not letting that happen. Alright there wouldn't be any Strigoi attacks but with humans helping Strigoi anything could happen during the day. I stood up and walked towards him.

"Back to bed, Jesse." I ordered putting on my scary face.

"No. I'm your Moroi _you_ have to do as _I_ say."

"Until you put you self in danger. Back to bed now or I will force you back there and it will _hurt_." I dragged him away from the door with no effort and slammed it closed waking his room mate up. I stood in front of the door and crossed my arms over my chest until he reluctantly went back to bed.

I stayed awake for a couple of hours and when I thought he was asleep I went back to my makeshift bed. Only to be woken up half an hour later by the sound of the window opening and Jesse was sneaking through. I jumped up the sound making him hurry up. He slipped.

"Jesse!" I shouted.

His room mate, Karl woke up.

"Karl, tell the warden that Jesse fell out the window. Go!"

He hurried out the room shouting all the way. I looked out the window. He was lying on the floor in a daze, his leg and arm bent at an un-natural angle. He came to and began screaming in pain. I eased myself down the wall with years of practice and landed next to him.

"Help's on its way, Jesse." I said. "Stop moving, you'll make it worse."

For once he shut up and did as he was told. A few minutes later Stan joined us with Dr. Olendzki. We put him on the stretcher Stan had carried and then walked him to the hospital. Whilst Dr. Olendzki looked after Jesse Stan and Alberta questioned me about what happened. I told them about both escape attempts and what happened just before he fell. Then I was allowed to go to my own bed but had to continue watching over him in the morning.

He woke up and blamed me for falling. Alberta ignored him and told him what an ass he'd been. In the nicest possible way of course. When she turned her back he scowled at me. I kept my guardian face in play and bluntly ignored him.

The next day was Sunday so I caught up with Lissa. She was, predictably, with Christian but I didn't mind so much this time – I needed to trade insults with someone.

"Rapunzel didn't let her hair down quick enough the other night I hear." He smirked not looking away from the TV.

I flopped down on a couch and was glad to be off my feet. It seemed that all guardians did all day was stand round.

"If we're talking fairy tales I guess that makes you the big bad wolf." I mocked.

"Nah I was the clever little pig."

"That explains the smell in here."

Lissa rolled her eyes and shook her head reminding me too much of Dimitri. I looked away and focused on something else. It turned out to be Eddie I focused on. He had a rainbow bruise in his right temple and a bandage covering his left forearm. I remembered hearing about that fight. He'd been against Stan, Alberta and Celeste at the same time and he'd been pushed backwards, fell over a chair that someone had carelessly left sticking out and fell into the fish tank the teacher kept in the room. He carried on fighting until he'd 'killed' them all and then had to go to hospital adamantly refusing Lissa's healing skills all the way.

"Nice work, Eddie." I smiled.

He blushed and shrugged a little before starting up a conversation about a different fight he'd won.

I hung out in Lissa's room that night until just before curfew. She didn't give me a chance to say anything before she began the interrogation.

"You still miss him, don't you?"

"Who?" I pretended I didn't know who she was on about but I knew I couldn't get away with it. She knew I'd heard his name in her thoughts.

"Dimitri." She said anyway.

"Sure I do. We were close. Especially after Spokane."

"He seemed to help you more than anyone else." She said regretfully. Guilt flashed through the bond telling me she didn't think she'd been there for me enough.

"Don't be silly, Lissa. You had Christian to worry about too. He needed you. I had Dimitri to help me."

"I still should have been there more. Aren't you angry with him for leaving?"

"Yeah. But he's being allowed to make his own choice. It's pretty much the only reason I haven't tracked him down and brought him back – he was a way better instructor than Alberta." I added onto the end so she didn't get suspicious.

"You respect his choice that much you'd risk your own… I don't know but your recovery from Spokane has been less noticeable since he left."

"He's being allowed to make his own decision for once." I retorted.

"What do you mean?"

I looked at her incredulously. How could she not know? She didn't know what Dimitri and I were sacrificing but surely she knew what Dhampirs in general were sacrificing. We sacrificed our freedom of choice, seeing our families, having families, loving who and how we wanted. We gave everything up to protect them and all we got in return was money we'd only ever spend on buying the few essential things we needed and some stupid tattoos for killing Strigoi. We got carted all over the world, following orders remembering our mantra: _they come first_. It was something that had been drilled into me my whole life and I wanted to protect Moroi but it wasn't fair that we were taken for granted the way we were with no appreciation of our own wants and needs and love lives.

But worst of all Dimitri had sacrificed his own career, his own hand, so that I'd be able to better protect a Moroi. We risked our lives day in day out and most of the time we didn't even get a thank you for our efforts. We were just expected to do it.

"Don't you see, Lissa?" I asked after I'd ranted for a while. "Dhampirs are only second rate in this system. I'm angry that he's done this but I respect his decision."

I was jealous in fact. Not that he was able to get out of protecting Moroi but that he'd had the choice in the fist place. He was able to decide for himself what he wanted. But I was angry that he'd made his decision based on the protection of a Moroi.

"Rose… Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Just start to understand what we have to give up for you." I said it more bitterly than I meant to crushing her. I pulled her into a hug and said, "When your queen take up Christian and Tasha's cause and get Moroi fighting again. You're beautiful enough to have the guys on the council agreeing with anything."

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**So what did you think? Was it better than the last chapter? **

**I, although I hate to admit this, do not own Rose, Dimitri, Lissa and the gang or, well, anything that Richelle Mead created for VA. It all belongs to her... She's one lucky gal! **


	6. Realisations

**Hey Chapter 6 (this one) is hopefully finally working, you'll find a few compaints of ity not existing in subsequent chapters just ignore them. Tell me what you think (:**

**Richelle Mead owns VA. I do not ):**

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Not a lot happened at school after that until the day of The Trials dawned. It was the most important day of my life so far and I'd be damned if I failed. Everyone was already in the little hut when I got there and someone barked at me that it was a good job I wasn't first because I was late. People were standing around with their mentors. I'd always imagined I'd be getting last minute advice from Dimitri. I pushed him out of my mind when tears threatened to surface. It had been over three months and I was still crying over him. It was stupid.

I leaned against a wall and did a few stretches not sure when my turn was. Alberta was out there fighting people so she couldn't come and see me. A guardian from the elementary campus pressed a piece of paper into my hand.

_Rose, _

_Keep calm and take some deep breaths. Take it one step at a time. Don't come up with too many options in one go but keep your options open. Don't let your guard down. _

_I was going to come and see you but Alberta decided she wanted me out there too to make up the numbers. Keep in mind everything that Dimitri taught you and use your brain. _

_You can pass this. _

_Good luck sweetheart,_

_Mom._

I was going to have to fight Mom again? _Oh man, I'd better win this time._

I was glad she was here, the letter was a comfort and I felt more secure knowing that someone was rooting for me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths just like she advised and was surprised by how prepared I felt. But still nothing could take away, cover or fill the hole Dimitri had once occupied in my heart.

Most of the trial went by in a blur as I concentrated on each specific task one step at a time. That is until I faced my mother. She was blocking my way on the stepping stone path that was five feet high in the air which represented thirty feet if we were in the real world. If we fell of we died. She was on the step in front of me. No kidding one step at a time. One step was a step I couldn't take. Damn. And then the platform I was stood on broke.

Mom's face filled with shock which was the only opening I needed. I knocked her off the step she was on by jumping and 'staking' her heart. She fell to the floor and I carried on jumping to the safety of the next obstacle – a bridge.

Whatever happened next and after that I couldn't really say. It went by in a battle filled blur and then it was over. Then there was the Promise Mark ceremony. And then the after parties.

Adrian, surprise surprise, had managed to get a large lounge and had a soft drinks bar set up and a bunch of people were already in there by the time I arrived after having a shower and throwing a skirt on. Royals and Dhampirs were there trying to find the perfect charge or guardian. I didn't bother because I already knew who I was going to protect.

"_You'll never be Vasilisa's guardian if I have anything to do with it." _Tatiana's words ghosted through my mind.

Lissa ran over to me and threw her arms around my neck saying how awesome I was and stuff like that. Mom was next. She limped slightly and winced when she moved her left arm to give me a hug.

"I knew you could do it, Rose."

Alberta was milling around and she nodded once in my direction and then turned back to the conversation she'd been having with some royal. Even Dimitri, my tough love mentor, would have given me more than that. And then I saw him. It was only his back but I'd know the way his hair fell anywhere. And the duster. The duster I had fallen asleep under in a SUV when we were first falling in love, the duster he'd given to me when he caught me out in the rain one time when I was trying to figure out how to help Lissa when the Viktor thing was going down, the duster I'd teased him about and said it made him look like a cowboy from one of those trashy westerns he always read.

"Talk to me." I said to Adrian.

"I am talking to you." He said back. He noticed my agitation and looked round. "Ah, lover boy returns."

"Oh shut up, Adrian."

"But you wanted me to talk to you."

"But not about that. Why didn't you give me grief when he left?"

"I though you didn't want to talk about that."

"Answer the question, Adrian." I growled quickly growing irritated.

"Because you were in enough pain as it was. What kind of gentleman would I be if I made that pain worse?"

I didn't answer seriously doubting if he knew what a gentleman was. Instead I gave him my orange juice and went to find Lissa. She was talking with Eddie and Christian. They were on about Eddie's trial which sounded completely awesome. I hadn't been around to see it – he'd already finished by the time I arrived so I was pretty interested. But they conversation quickly closed on that topic and Eddie was called away. Lissa turned to me.

"Mia's here. She said Dimitri brought her, have you seen him yet?"

"Yep." I said not wanting to talk about it.

"Oooh, he'll be sorry to upset you today." Christian crowed anticipating a fight. "I'll be sure to be around when that happens."

"Rose, he only did what he thought was best." Lissa said. "I thought you respected his decision."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it. He should be out in the field not sat behind some stupid desk. He could have let you heal him and he didn't."

"Uh, Rose – "

"He's been an idiot and he should have –"

"Rose – "

"Let you help him. And –"

_Rose! _Lissa shouted through the bond shutting me up. Christian looked kind of pale and I had a good idea what was wrong.

"And what, Rose?" I knew that voice anywhere. I'd know it a hundred years from now, a thousand. His accent wrapped around me like a swirl of wind, calm and caressing, soft and powerful. My heart did a back flip and I found it hard to breathe. I could feel his presence, his aura of power and authority. He was only a small – and I mean small – step behind me. I could feel his duster brushing against my back and could smell his aftershave. That scent wrapped around me like a blanket reminding me of all the times we'd been close, all the times we kissed.

"You made the wrong decision." I said firmly and walked away.

I had the impression that not only was he wearing his pissed off face but that he tried to follow me but Lissa stopped him. I felt magic well within her as she fixed his hand even though he hadn't asked her too. It was a subconscious act and she barely even realised she was doing it until Dimitri gasped. I looked over my shoulder and saw him flex his withered looking fingers and the awe in his face.

_At least he's okay now,_ I thought. _Stop it Rose, you are angry with him remember? _

I carried on walking and didn't stop until I was outside again. I slowed down feeling release and enjoyed the sun. It wasn't very often got to see the sun and I missed it all the time. As I soaked in the vitamin D I lost track of my worries and just sat under a tree and watched time go by. It was sunset before anyone came to find me. It was my mom who did.

"I thought you'd be happy to see Guardian Belikov again."

"So did I." I confessed.

"So what do you feel?"

Honesty I didn't really know. I was angry and upset and disappointed and a bazillion other things but I didn't know what to do. I could have found him and screamed and shouted, I could have found him and cried, I could have found him and forgiven him but I didn't want to do any of those things. Did I want him to find me and apologise? Did I want him to make the first move? Whatever I wanted or didn't want I couldn't exactly talk to Mom about it. Alright now that I had graduated no one could actually do anything about our romance – or there lack of – but I didn't want to get him in trouble with my mom. He might be my badass Russian jailor but I wasn't sure he could beat my seriously pissed off mother.

"Angry." I confessed. "Confused."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Spokane had done a lot for our relationship but as soon as I said that she shut down and assumed that I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't correct her because I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now. She swiftly got up and said something and then left. I banged my head against the trunk of the tree and swore for no particular reason I could think of.

A while after the sun had set I went back to my room and packed everything ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow we were to go to court and get our official charges.

"_You'll never be Vasilisa's guardian if I have anything to do with it."_

"_Expendable, expendable." _

"_She's wild, unruly and can't follow orders!" _

"_You'll never be Vasilisa's guardian." _

I blocked out the sounds of the doubting voices and forced myself to sleep.

I had a dream that night. I was sneaking out of the dorms and was excited about something. The hall warden didn't notice me although she was looking straight at me. I slipped outside into the warm air and had to stifle a scream when someone jumped out at me and grabbed my hand. I looked round in to Christian's blue eyes and once again realised how gorgeous they were.

_Oh _hell_ no. Not again._ Not when I was as emotionally charged as I was.

He lips came crashing down to hers in a searing kiss that felt so good on my – her – mouth. His hands were warm and made my skin tingle. Not my skin, Lissa's skin. God this couldn't be happening. I tried to get out but I was too attached to her emotions. His lips came to mine – hers – again and I was reminded of what this felt like with Dimitri.

His name had me slammed back into my body but it was at that exact moment that I didn't want to leave because Lissa realised something enormous. I woke up in a cold sweat and felt lonely as usual after this happened but also completely curious. What had she discovered? I had a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that I already knew. I hoped I was wrong but I didn't want to risk going into Lissa's head again in case I was wrong and it was just something like she realised why Christian liked a baby name so much. If she realised what I thought she had – which was just my luck – they wouldn't be, uh, amusing themselves tonight. Of course I could be wrong. I doubted it but I didn't want to risk seeing that again.

I pulled the covers back over my head and curled up into a ball waiting for sleep to overtake me. Only it didn't straight away. My mind strayed back to the lunch we'd shared after I passed the qualifier. And I had a major realisation of my own. Dimitri hadn't told me the true extent of his injuries then because he was still trying to process it himself and trying to figure out what to do. He'd protected me from the awful truth so that we could have a few last normal moments together. He'd intended to tell me at a better time than in the car and have a civil discussion with me about it. Damn.

Even though I'd realised all that I couldn't let my anger go. He could have at least tried to explain that to me. All it would have taken was for him to ask to talk to me and I would have readily agreed knowing that it would have been our last conversation and treasured it.


	7. The Day After

**New chapter woop! Hope you like it and tell me what you think. Reviews make me all warm and happy inside. **

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My alarm awoke me from a restless, Dimitri filled sleep telling me I had about an hour before I had to get on a plane and go to the Royal Court. I quickly got dressed and went to the canteen hoping to avoid two particular people: Dimitri and Lissa. Dimitri I was still angry and disappointed with, and one check of the bond told me that Lissa felt betrayed, which in turn told me my fears form last night were true – she knew about me and Dimitri. No doubt she'd told Christian too. I was going to have to do a lot of avoiding this morning.

As I thought about the ramifications of Lissa knowing I wondered if I should tell Dimitri. I guess he had a right to know that someone else knew but at the same time I knew that she wouldn't tell no matter how angry with me she was. But what if she was angry with Dimitri? There was no doubt that she figured out that my rant to her about what Dhampirs had to sacrifice was born of my feelings towards Dimitri and I had the feeling that she'd hate him for the pain he caused me.

I had a feeling that she wouldn't tell anyone no matter how angry she was with him either. Maybe she'd shout at him. I almost laughed at the thought and kind of wanted to be around when it happened. Not that it would. This was docile Lissa we were talking about.

As much as I wanted to avoid her I found myself walking towards her table once I got out of the breakfast queue. Maybe it was my protective instincts kicking in and I wanted to comfort her. She sent me a message though the bond. _Not yet. I'm still trying to process it all. I'll find you when I'm ready to talk. _

Relieved that she was still willing to be civil I nodded in her direction and sat with Eddie and a bunch of other novices.

"Something up between you and the Princess?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah Christian. They're looking way too cute this morning." I smoothly lied.

"You're going to have to get used to it." Eddie said. "With being her guardian and all."

"How does she know she's going to get Vasilisa?" Meredith asked no doubt hoping to be Lissa's guardian.

"Are you kidding? With the scores she got the council would be stupid to put anyone but Rose as her guardian. They're going to want only the best for the last Dragomir." Eddie covered. He knew about the bond and the fact that I was the obvious choice to protect her because of it, but no one outside our tight group of friends did. In fact the only reason Eddie knew was because of field placements.

All the stuff that happened when Victor was around hadn't been put in the portfolio of stuff he'd been given on that first day of the field placements so I'd told him. Lissa was not too long off her pills and I thought he needed to know about all that kind of stuff to be able to protect her properly. I'd asked Lissa if I could and managed to bring her round to my way of thinking. In the end the only reason I would have had to tell him that stuff was because of her experiments with Adrian because nothing serious happened.

"Little Dhampir." Adrian breathed.

"What?" I asked as Meredith oogled. Yeah Adrian was the hottest thing on legs after Dimitri but he was a pain in the ass.

"Aren't you going to say hello to Dimitri this morning? The last I heard you used to spend a lot of time with him." everyone on the table caught his double meaning but none of them took it seriously.

"Yeah I was kind of surprised when I saw you come over here." Eddie piped up. "He's sitting over there eating a bagel."

"He's on duty." I said hoping they'd let it drop.

"Rose, he's eating breakfast."

"Trust me, he's on duty." I said slightly tersely.

The rest of the people at the table shared a look to say "oh man, what did he _do_?". I ignored them and munched on the BLT I'd picked up and was instantly reminded of the last time Dimitri and I had lunch together. I put it down suddenly not hungry and was once again transported back to that lunch date.

After I'd picked up the BLT filling Dimitri asked:

"What kind of music do you like?"

At first I though it was kind of random but answered anyway. "Anything that doesn't make me want to kill the radio."

I laughed thinking back to when we were travelling to the Badica house. The song that was playing went something like: "video killed the radio star" and I'd silently wished something would kill the radio.

"I don't know." I mused. "Some of the chart stuff is okay I guess. I tend to steer away from main stream. I kinda like alternative and the smaller rock groups.

He seemed to file the information away in the workings of his mind and wondered if I'd be getting any presents any time soon, like, after field placements if I did really well.

"And what does the word famous Dimitri Belikov read apart from abused westerns?"

He looked at me as if to say I was unfairly convicting him of book abuse. I laughed and told him to take the western out of his duster pocket. I somehow knew there was a John Wayne movie adapted from it. As it was the book was dog-eared and the spine was bent so that it opened of its own accord where he'd last been reading it.

"What did that poor book do to deserve torture? Did John Wayne die or something?" I asked.

"John Wayne never dies." He said sagely and returned the book to the 'safety' of his pocket.

The fond memory had me crashing back to the real word where I'd finished my BLT and everyone was getting up from the table to get on the academy's private jet.

On the plane I sat a couple of rows back from Lissa, close enough to keep an eye on her and far enough away to give her some privacy. I was sat with Eddie and Meredith again only they weren't much fun as they didn't fair so well on planes. The flight wasn't long enough to warrant an in flight movie and I quickly grew bored. I squeezed passed the two sleepers and looked for a spare seat next to someone who could hold a decent, intelligent conversation.

True to my bad luck the only spare seat was with Dimitri. He was reading one of his westerns like he always used to when he was waiting for me to turn up at practice in the mornings. I had a peak at the cover. It was the one he always used to re-read every few weeks. I wondered how he didn't get bored of it. The last time we had practice he'd been reading it in fact and had been near the end. Now he was only about twenty pages in. I wondered why he hadn't spotted me – he always spotted me when he was reading. Then I remembered – he always spotted everything. He was either bluntly ignoring me or he wanted me to look at him. I sharply turned round and went back to my seat without turning back.

We landed not long after that.

We were all ushered into guest accommodation. I was in a room very similar to the one last time I was here – smart, sleek, business style with few luxuries. I was willing to bet the Moroi had rooms as good as the ones back at the ski lodge. Whatever. My stuff was already in the room but I didn't unpack anything knowing I wouldn't be staying here long. I'd follow Lissa to Leigh and live there with the other guardian she had. The communal lunch was in an hour's time and then we had the rest of the day to ourselves and could get dinner where ever we wanted it.

Although I'd wanted to avoid Lissa before breakfast I was starting to miss her. If she hadn't found out about Dimitri and I we would have met up somewhere and hung out for the rest of the day. As it was she wanted some space. I was anxious to know how she felt and so had a quick peak at the bond. Only to stay for longer than I had planned. She was letting someone into the room. That someone was Dimitri.

"What do you want?" she asked bluntly.

Dimitri looked about as surprised as I felt. I'd expected her to feign indifference when she saw him.

"I came to ask about Rose, but if this is a bad time Princess I can leave."

She moved into the room and shut the door behind him. "What do you want to know?"

"How she is. I haven't seen her since yesterday at the party."

"I'm pretty sure you know how she feels."

She looked at Dimitri trying to see what I saw in him. She thought he was pretty hot herself but she knew I wouldn't just go for looks. I'd gone for hot guys in my past but never to have a relationship with. She knew that Dimitri and I had been really close the whole time we'd known each other but beyond me telling her that he was a good mentor and sometimes funny when he let his guardian mask drop she didn't know all the much about him.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, Princess." He said his defences going up.

"You know exactly what I mean." She snapped. "She still loves you, Dimitri. And you left her. How do you think she feels? You should find her and talk to her."

Dimitri looked shocked and asked, "How do you know?"

"Your auras, not that that matters right now. Talk to her. She misses you." She turned away from him doing a better job at being a snotty nosed royal than I'd ever seen in my entire life.

Wow. And I mean _wow_! Lissa had just beaten Dimitri in an argument. I hadn't even managed to do that and what I'd just witnessed was their first proper conversation besides pleasant greetings in the hall way and when he chucked us out of Adrian's room at the ski lodge. I was about to pull out of her head when Dimitri said:

"Princess…"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I wouldn't _betray_ Rose like that."

Lissa watched his face inch up the guardian mask scale. He'd been open when he had asked the first question, slipped the guardian mask on when she answered and had made it even more into the battle mode mask I figured he had as the conversation went on. But beneath that hard exterior I knew his heart had just been broken. I could see it in his stormy eyes.

I wasn't glad that he was upset and angry but I wasn't angry about it either. A part of me wanted to find him and comfort him and tell him Lissa was just angry and didn't mean half of what she had implied. But a part of me wanted him to hurt for all the pain he'd caused me over the months he'd been gone. I'd bean heart broken and I wanted him to feel that pain too. My heart was telling me I was being a selfish idiot but I ignored it and stayed in my room until the next day not even leaving for dinner. Eddie came and brought it to me instead.

"What did he do to you, Rose?" he asked.

Ever since Spokane he'd been there for me making sure people, guys especially, didn't harass me. He'd kind of taken on the role of the older brother I never had and I was grateful for it. Even now that I didn't need him so much any more he was still there for me as much as I was there for him.

Needing to talk to someone about some of my troubles I said, "He left without much of an explanation and without even saying good bye." It didn't sound like much, anyone else would have thought I was being immature, but Eddie knew how much Dimitri had helped me in his own way after Spokane and even before that.

"Rose, you could just talk to him."

"Not now. I'm not ready to talk yet." I felt a lump form in my throat but I bit it back. I'd be damned if _he'd_ make me cry again. Eddie seemed to sense this though and pulled me into a tight hug. It didn't last long – he knew how much I hated crying and feeling like this – but it made me feel a lot better all the same.

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**So what'dya think? Is Chapter 7 good or bad? Let me know! **

**OH, if i was feeling up to it I'd make up a clever cool way to say Richelle Mead owns VA and I - sadly - do not no matter how much I wish I did. ~Fury out! ;) **


	8. Doing my Guardian Thing

**Okay, got a message from _skiser _saying that Chapter 6 doesn't exist - weird - so if anyone else is having the s****ame probelm let me know and I'll try and sort it. I've had a look but live preview looks okay. I'm not a pc wizz but I'll do what I can. **

**Enough of tech problems and let's move onto Chapter 8 of the story...**

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"I heard what you said to him."

Lissa and I had been sat in an awkward silence for about twenty minutes. It was the day after she'd lashed out at him. She asked me to come over not long after lunch. I thought she would have taken longer to want to talk but I was glad all the same we were finally getting this started.

"It was pretty awesome."

"You're not angry?" she asked.

"No. You said what I can't."

"Aw, Rose – "

"No, Liss, don't." I said softly. I took a deep breath. "What do you want to know?"

"Did you keep it a secret because you could never be together if you were both protecting me?"

"Yes."

She paled and tears surfaced. I knew just from her face that she felt guilty as hell and wanted to change the situation.

"We both agreed to it." I said hastily. "I want you to have the best protection and if that's him… well then it's him."

"No, Rose! I won't do that to you."

"You don't have much of a choice. I bet he'll be re-assigned to you now that he's better."

"Rose – "

"That's a different question." I really didn't want to talk about it, him. Okay that was inevitable in this conversation but the less I had to the better. "What else do you want to know?"

"Why the hell didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have told anyone!" she burst. I could tell without the bond's help that she wasn't angry, just confused.

"I tried." I began lousily.

It was the truth at least. I'd almost told her a number of times but it was either almost curfew and she had to go or she was meeting Christian somewhere or she had something else on her mind. I wasn't trying to make it out to be her fault because I should have plucked up the courage to tell her every time I saw her. I had thought I would feel good about telling her – I hated that I'd kept a secret from her – but I felt awful. Guilty mostly.

She'd told me everything that was going on in her life and I had kept the biggest secret from her ever. I was glad I was finally telling her but I felt pretty bad at how she found out. It was supposed to be me who told her and then she probably would have shouted at me and I've taken it. I deserved that much. I kind of wanted her to shout at me like she had Dimitri only I wanted her to shout more about how I'd betrayed her and how was she supposed to trust me again.

I could feel her raging emotions. She wasn't sure whether to cry or shout or run away. Her emotions swelled within her like an angry storm at sea crashing and buffeting at her. A war was being fought within her she was trying to stay in control and stay good but a massive part of her wanted to snap and make me feel bad for what I'd done to her. Her emotions became so strong that I got pulled into her and, man, it was weird looking at myself through her eyes.

The last time this happened she was jealous of my looks and strength, both physical and emotional. This time she saw how cracked that emotional strength was and felt sorry for me. But she also looked upon me with anger and confusion. She was angry that I didn't tell her and confused as to why I didn't think I could tell her. She'd known I'd been hurting a lot since he left and had been worried about me the whole time. I thought I had done a better job at masking my emotions than that after I refused to think of him but the truth was there – I'd been rejected.

"You could have told me and I would have kept it a secret. Do you have any idea how I feel?" she asked incredulously.

I didn't tell her that I actually did. Her anger made me pull myself back to my own body and I looked down at the floor. I was just glad I was starting to get what I would call a normal, rational response.

"I've been worried about you and trying to help and only now do I find out what's really wrong with you! How do you expect me to help if I don't know what's wrong, Rose?"

"I don't expect you to do anything." I said quietly, not meeting her gaze. "It's my job to look after you."

"In my eyes you're my best friend before you're my guardian." I looked up at her. She looked more like the gentle, understanding Lissa I'd always known. "You should go and find him and tell him he's been an idiot."

"I already did that remember. Back at the party."

"Than tell him how you feel."

"No way. He's making the first move this time." I could feel Lissa's disapproval through the bond. "I don't want to find him yet. I'm still angry at him and – " I shrugged my shoulders. "Not yet."

Lissa pulled me into a huge hug and didn't let go for a long time. We stayed in a companionable silence that was easy to be in. It was good to know that our friendship still went this far, was still as strong, even after all that I had kept from her.

At four 'o' clock I had to go and do a guardian thing. All of us who had just graduated from all over the world gathered in what I assumed was a ball room but it had been dressed down and rows upon rows of chairs had been set out with a raised dais at the front of the room. It reminded me of the conference bat at the lodge after the Voda attack. I blinked back all the memories of that disastrous trip and found a seat with Eddie.

"What do you suppose this is all about?" he asked. "Our placements?"

"No. We would have heard stuff circulating by now if they had reached conclusions. Give it a few more days for that."

A hushed silence very quickly came over everyone in the room. My attention snapped to the front when the person on stage began speaking. It was Dimitri. I was still avoiding him. It didn't appear to be working out too well. He wasn't wearing his duster but it was neatly folded on the floor at the edge of the dais. He was dressed semi-smartly and looked as good as he did in the form fitting black jumper as he did on Christmas day. The girl in front of me was staring at him too much for my liking. I felt like punching her or something for checking him out but I somehow managed to keep control. I hated him remember.

"As part of you guardian protections you may have to kill Strigoi. As I'm sure you're aware we can't leave their bodies lying around for people to find. Fortunately," Dimitri said his voice wrapping around me, "There are some people who can easily help us with this. Alchemists."

He carried on talking in his calm, self assured way as he explained what Alchemists do – use chemicals to destroy Strigoi bodies – and how they operate, how to get in touch with them and so on. I figured that I'd already seen them in action in Spokane but at the time I wasn't particularly aware of what was going on. I guess I'd always wondered how we kept humans from finding bodies but I had never really thought about it until now.

Now, as he was taking and I was supposed to be learning how we kept humans from finding out about us, I wasn't really paying attention. I was too drawn to the sound of Dimitri's voice. I didn't listen to what he said because in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter what he was saying just so long as I could hear his voice again. I'd not heard it in months and it was still the same as I remembered it to be. As I slept at night I sometimes heard his voice ghost through my mind in a dream. My mind's reconstruction hadn't done him justice. It hadn't caught the rise and fall of his voice quite right and just hearing it again sent shivers down my spine.

He caught my eyes a few times as he spoke. He was asking for forgiveness I could tell that much. I looked away each time and each time he faltered. No one else noticed but no one else knew him that way I did. No one else had a connection with him that went beyond an easy friendship. I remembered a time when we were so in sync that I didn't know where he ended and I began. But he'd ruined that. The Dimitri I knew and loved wouldn't have left me like that. He would have made us work in a way that I could still guard Lissa and have him around to hold and love me. He wouldn't have let this happen.

As soon as he stopped speaking I felt relief settle over me. He stepped of the dais and Simona took his pace.

"We're just finalising your orders and will send them to you tomorrow. If you have any questions about your charge that you do not find answers to in the pack we give you, come and see us at HQ. Dismissed."

I waited around for the rest of the day to pass. Before the qualifier I was certain that I was going to get put with Lissa – I was the obvious choice. But then Tatiana had practically vowed that she was going to make that impossible. I began pacing after a while and then lay on my bed and forced myself to sleep when I judged it was a reasonable time. Sleep came reluctantly and I heard the door open in the morning waking me up. A messenger boy of some sort had just put an ominous looking envelope on the coffee table.

I didn't move until he had shut the door behind himself. I got out of bed and slowly padded over to the table. There was a hand out about Alchemists on top of the envelope I wanted to open but leave closed at the same time. Procrastinating, I picked up the note that came with the hand out.

_You looked distracted yesterday. Dimitri. _

_The last time he'd told me I looked distracted I was eating a BLT with him. I was pondering something that seemed so trivial now – would we have time to get a manicure and a facial before we left? Just me obviously, I was pretty sure Dimitri didn't go of that kind of thing. I wouldn't mind him giving me the facial but he would just look plain ridiculous getting one himself. I was well aware that that might be the last time I ever had one and I felt sad. I hadn't had time to pamper myself in a while – since I got beck to St. Vladimir's. Only Lissa's constant moisturiser supply ensured I didn't look like a raisin. My hand subconsciously brushed across my face. _

_"You'll stay beautiful." Dimitri said knowing my train of thought. He knew I liked to look good, had done since we first met. My constant complaining that my lip gloss was running out made sure of that. _

_I looked into his eyes and quickly looked away from the emotions in them. He was silently telling me he loved me even though he knew that he shouldn't. We couldn't put Lissa at risk like that. _

_"Maybe my father has anti ageing skin or something that I inherited." I joked trying to shift the atmosphere. _

_"You could just ask Janine to tell you about him." _

_"No way. She'd freak. I'd rather get to know her before I start asking about him." I said in an amazing show of truth that surprised both of us. Not the fact I'd told the truth but what the truth was. _

_"She regrets not knowing you." _

_"Me too." I said once again surprising myself. _

I pulled myself out of my memory before I could get all emotional at what, _who_, I'd lost. I put the note aside and with a shaky hand picked up my dispatches.

My first thought was, 'ah hell'. The first piece of paper in there told me who I was guarding with. Janine Hathaway. I put that piece of paper down and took out the next one. The one that told me who my charge was.

I just stared at it for a few long seconds thinking 'this can't be right. There has to be a mistake.' Anxious to find out I picked up the phone that was by the TV and dialled.

"Guardian Hathaway." The brusque voice said.

"Hey, Mom."

"Rose! What are you calling me for?" she sounded surprised.

Normally I would have made a joke but I wanted to get to the bottom of this. "I'm your new partner."

She paused. "I wasn't aware I was being transferred."

"No. I am. They gave me your charge. What happened to your partner?"

"Requested a transfer to be closer to his family. His Mom's I'll."

"And they decided to stick me with you?" I retorted before I realised how that would sound to her.

"Orders are orders, Rosemarie." She said back in guardian mode.

"I didn't mean that, Mom. You know that. This is all just so stupid. I'm supposed to be Lissa's guardian! Not some stupid suck up royal I don't even know." I ranted. "It was always going to be me and Lissa. Especially with being shadow kissed and all. Simona wouldn't have let this happen."

"Rose, she did. You should respect her judgement. She's a great woman. A great guardian."

"_Tatiana _had something to do with this. She said she didn't want me to be Lissa's guardian."

"The queen works her own agenda." Mom was staying more polite and respectful than I was but I could hear the tension in her voice as well as disapproval.

"Mom what am I going to do? I can't leave Lissa with people who can't protect her. No one can protect her like I can. Not from herself." I whispered the last bit.

We'd figured out that I took darkness induced by spirit away from her and that she could heal it out of me. No one else could stop spirit's affects getting to her apart from me. Alright I could probably do it from anywhere in the world but Liss couldn't heal me from anywhere in the world. She needed physical contact. So whilst I saved Lissa I'd go crazy if she didn't heal me. Meaning whoever I was supposed to be protecting would effectively be one guardian down.

"Talk to Simona. She might be able to do something now if enough people take up your cause. I'll call her when I finish my shift. I'll do everything I can, Rose."

"Thanks, Mom." I said and hung up.

I stormed over to Simona's office and barged in without knocking. Fortunately she was only talking to a couple of other guardians but it looked to be nothing serious.

"What the hell, Simona?" I asked. My disbelief had morphed into anger on the way over and was amplified by the blackness I had taken from Lissa yesterday.

When I said that she instantly became pissed off. Whatever. I wasn't the one in the wrong here. She'd said that the last Dragomir was in good hands. My hands. Now I was stuck with some stupid royal over in Siberia? The other guardians left and I was able to talk to Simona alone.

"Rose, I didn't want this to happen."

"But it did. You're the head of the council. You could have stopped it."

"Tatiana ordered me to change your dispatches. In front of everyone else. I couldn't refuse because then they would also get in trouble. Sacked probably. If she'd told me when I was alone I would have disregarded her but the rest of the council were there. If there were plenty of good enough people to take our places we would have all told her where to shove it but there's not. Even if there was she would only order the new council to do the same thing." I still didn't look satisfied. "Rose, if we got new people in they would probably let her drop graduation to sixteen."

That was a slap in the face if ever I heard one. I stared in shock for a moment and then composed myself.

"She's not that stupid is she?"

"The royals are still scared from the attacks. You know what you saw on the ski trip." Too right I did. "If I have to sacrifice one Moroi and dhampir's happiness I'll do it to keep the rest of them safe. Understand where I'm coming from?"

I nodded. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"There might be."

* * *

**Ohhh... I'm getting the feeling everyone likes Tatiana a lot less now. And probalby me as well. Please don't kill me otherwise you won't get another Richelle Mead inspired chapter and you'll be left hanging for ever with the question: What happens next? **

**Richelle Mead own VA - I'm so jealous!**


	9. Badass Lissa

**Okay Chapter 10 but how does Lissa show her badass side? Read and find out! Revews are much loved and very welcome, you know you want to hit the review button at the bottom of the page!**

* * *

It was going to take a lot of luck but it was the only plan we had. As soon as Simona told me what to do I was jogging to a garden where the bond told me Lissa was. She was sat on the ground with Christian who was leaning against a tree and she sat between his legs leaning against him. I had a feeling they'd been talking about me and Dimitri. Christian didn't look best pleased but he wasn't raging mad or anything. Kind of relieved actually. I didn't wait to find out the true extent of their feelings. I just interrupted whatever he was saying.

"Liss, I need your help." I was breathing heavier than normal. I sat on the floor in front of her and crossed my legs. She was instantly sat up straight and asking what was wrong.

"I'm not your guardian." I said.

Fear shot through the bond with disbelief and anger. And determination. She was going to change this. Once she'd decided that there was no stopping her. Christian also looked kind of pissed. We didn't always get on and we hated the way we had to share her but he understood that I could help her in ways he couldn't and vice versa.

"What do you need us to do, Rose?" Christian asked with determination set in his features.

"Come with me." I stood up. "Any idea where Eddie is?"

"Probably checking his dispatches." Liss said.

"Okay, we're going to find him. And then I'm calling Alberta."

It didn't take long to find Eddie. He wasn't in his room but his room mate said he had left in a hurry looking for me about ten minutes ago. We hurried to my room and sure enough he was sat on my couch looking white as a ghost and I knew who had taken my place as Lissa's guardian.

"Rose, I – "

"Can it, Eddie. We're going to sort this okay." I said picking up the phone.

"I never even asked to be Lissa's guardian I swear."

"Eddie, _Tatiana_ did this." I spat not looking away from the phone. "We're going to sort this. Who's your partner?"

"Guardian Belikov."

I stopped what I was doing with the phone and dropped it. Guardian Belikov. Dimitri. My badass Russian jailor. Shit. Simona's plan required co-operation from both Lissa's official guardians. I'd been fine with that until now. I was still avoiding him.

"What's wrong, Rose?" Eddie asked.

I still didn't answer.

"They just had a disagreement that's all." Lissa said. "Do you want me to talk to him for you?" she put a hand on my arm bringing me back to reality.

"No, no. I'll find him once I've talked to Alberta." I picked up the phone and dialled again.

"Guardian Petrov." She said her voice instantly comforting me.

"Hey, Alberta. I need some help."

"Rose, what did you do _this_ time?"

Christian and Lissa snickered their super-sensitive hearing picking up the whole conversation. I ignored them, defended, myself and told her what happened, she said she'd, through tightly controlled anger, call the queen. Then I went to find Dimitri.

I had no idea where he would be except maybe at a café. It was almost lunch time and it was a good bet. I asked a few people on the way and they pointed me in the right direction. As soon as I go there I realised where I was and remembered how good the BLT's were. I cursed him for picking this place to eat. My stomach rumbled so I went the counter and ordered food. I only had enough money for a BLT. As if the memories of the place weren't bad enough. I looked round and found Dimitri sitting by the window well away from the secluded corner table. Maybe the memories were almost too much for him too. He was reading another western.

I pulled the chair out loudly surprising him. I took some satisfaction from that – he was never surprised. Maybe he was purposely blocking everything and everyone out. I sat down without asking for invitation. He put his western down and kept his emotions hidden for the most part. It wasn't his guardian mask but he tried to hide them all the same. I saw the tension in the set of his shoulders and lips. He didn't say anything for a while. I took a bite out of my BLT.

"I've missed you." He said and tried to reach my hand.

I pulled it back because I knew that if we went onto that topic I'd break down and cry. Right now Lissa was more important. Dimitri sat back in his chair studying me. Not wanting to appear flustered I ate more of my BLT. We stayed like that until it was all gone. When I finished I looked up at him. The connection flared between us. He could feel it too.

"I need your help." I said. I seemed to be saying that a lot today. "I take it you know who Lissa's guardians are."

"Yes."

"And you know I have to be her guardian."

"Yes."

I took a breath so I kept my temper and didn't snap at him. "We need to change Tatiana's mind. I need your help to do that." When he didn't say anything I said, "It was Simona's idea. She's backing us up."

"You're calmer than I thought you would be."

"I'm using my head that's all. I had a good teacher." The compliment slipped out before I could stop it. I inwardly cursed.

"Roza…"

"Not now, Dimitri." It was the first time I'd said his name out loud since he left and I was surprised at how much it hurt. I looked down so I didn't have to see the pain in his face. "We need to sort this mess out. Meet us in Simona's office tomorrow at ten am."

"Alright."

I abruptly stood up and left.

When I got back to Eddie's room Adrian was in there making himself comfortable on Eddie's bed. Eddie didn't look too happy about it but didn't feel so confident about telling the queen's great-nephew where to shove it. I didn't care what he thought so I told him to get off and put his cigarette out.

"Don't worry, Little Dhampir. Aunt Tatiana will listen to me. I'm her favourite great nephew after all." He said blowing the last lungful of smoke into the air. I moved out of his arm that had come to circle my shoulders and opened a window.

Tatiana didn't look too impressed when she opened the conference room door. She pursed her lips and walked to the head of the table whilst we all bowed. When we sat at the table she said:

"I thought you might try something like this, Miss Hathaway." Her voice was cold and otherwise void of emotion.

"Actually, Your Majesty, this was _my_ idea." Simona said.

"I thought I made myself perfectly clear to you."

"You did." Simona replied just as bluntly as Tatiana had spoken to her but there was an edge to her voice that made clear what she thought of the queen's demands.

"Guardian Hathaway, the respected Guardian Hathaway," Tatiana said, I almost leapt out of my seat but Christian clamped a hand around my wrist just in time to stop me. "Has already spoken to me about this and made her feelings known and I will tell you exactly what I told her. Rosemarie will never be Vasilisa's guardian. She does not deserve the prestige of the honour. She will never be a true guardian in my eyes."

Somehow Lissa beat me in flying up and facing the queen down. Somehow she had managed to move quicker than Dimitri. He went to pull her down but one slight shake of the head from me was all he needed to stop. I might not be in his good books anymore but he still trusted my often warped Rose logic. I looked to Lissa. She was shaking with anger and had flushed cheeks – as flushed as a Moroi's ever got. She'd dressed well for the occasion – black slacks and a blue blouse with a black blazer thrown over the top. Her hair was up in a tight bun with just a few loose strands falling free. The effect was instant. She looked powerful. Ready to rule. She might not be allowed to speak to the queen in the manner she was about to but she also knew that Tatiana wouldn't want to lose the last Dragomir as a political ally so she figured she could speak to her however she wanted.

"You do not know _anything_ about Rose." she growled. Honestly, it was scary. "_Don't_ _you_ _ever_ _slight_ _her_ like that. She's a better person than you give her credit for. You don't know what it is to be a guardian, you never will. Simona said that she's good enough and that should be enough for you. Anyone else in the world would respect that and not dare defy her."

"Vasilisa!"

"I trust her, Tatiana."

Oooh, that was a slap in the face for her. The queen looked taken aback at Lissa's subordination and was, for once, lost for words.

"She has to be my guardian." She said more calmly though there was still an edge to her voice. "We're shadow kissed and I need her here just as much as she needs me. There's nothing you can do about that. Without me _she'll_ go crazy. Without her _I'll_ go crazy. Take your pick. Don't put her as my guardian and we'll both go crazy. Put her as my guardian and we'll both be _fine_."

She sat down and took a deep breath and caught mine and Christian's eyes. We both gave her as reassuring looks as we could without giving her away. Adrian openly smiled. One look from Eddie sobered him up.

_Shit, that was scary, _she thought.

Simona began talking next. She spoke calmly, with authority. Tatiana looked on with feigned indifference but I – as did everyone in the room – knew she was listening with interest.

"What the Princess is trying to say is – "

"I heard her quite clearly thank you." The queen retorted. "Does anyone have anything interesting. Rose perhaps."

She looked at me trying to make me feel small. I looked pleasantly back which I think annoyed her more than a scowl of pure hatred would have.

"Nothing that Lissa hasn't said that Kirova wouldn't give me an eternity's worth of detention for."

Adrian chuckled and Dimitri had to stop himself smiling.

"What excellent self control you have."

"All the better to respect you with. Your Majesty."

Dimitri and Simona cut me a glare. Dimitri's almost had me crying. I was surprised at how much of an effect he still had on me. I pulled myself together.

"She's improved greatly, Your Majesty." Dimitri said. "If this was happening just after I took her back to ST. Vladimir's she wouldn't have hesitated in giving you a black eye. Two black eyes. She's realised her mistake and hasn't made it again even though Mr. Dashkov gave her good cause. She's physically more than capable to do that job and Simona conducted her qualifier which she easily passed."

"She still has a lot to answer for."

"Spokane wasn't her fault!" Eddie growled.

Anger burned in his eyes and was evident in the tight clench of his fists. He was sat directly opposite Tatiana at the other head of the rectangular table. So far he had remained perfectly composed but he was still touchy about Spokane. Mason.

"Rose didn't make him go back for her. Mason chose that."

"The last I heard you weren't in a fit state to be sure of anything when Mason was murdered."

"But I was." Christian spoke up. "We, Mia and I, tried to stop him but we were both too weak. Mason's last decision was his and his alone."

"Not good enough."

"On my God this is total bullshit!" I exploded.

I had meant to stay calm throughout this meeting, being rash and insubordinate wasn't going to get me anywhere. I took a breath and contemplated what to say. I wanted her to know how much I had learned and how much I had matured and all the things I regretted. I wanted her to know what Dimitri thought of me and how proud of me he was. I wanted her to understand why Simona and my mom and Alberta thought I was capable of doing this. I wanted Tatiana to understand how wrong she was.

"Would you care to continue, Miss Hathaway?"

"I've changed. I'm a better person, I know what mistakes I've made and won't make then again. All the guardians know I'm good enough and it's them who know what it is to be a guardian. To be quite honest I don't think the royals should have anything to do with the way the guardians operate but I can't do much about that but tell you about it. The decision should lie with them and only them unless the Moroi in question has a serious objection and even then the final decision should be left with the council. The least you could do here is honour Eric Dragomir's wishes. I am her guardian."

"Eloquent." Tatiana mused. "Political. To the point. But no."

Princess Dragomir shot her daggers enough for all of us. There was no way she was backing down. If looks could boil there wouldn't be any trace of the queen left even only after a second of that glare. Heat boiled through it and the already high levels of tension in the room shot up to breaking point and beyond. Everyone looked uncomfortable but we didn't move. I didn't have to look at Lissa to know how she looked. It all came through the bond. She was sitting back in her chair with a strand of hair between her fingers. Her face was mostly serene and clam but her eyes spoke legions. She was angry and wanted nothing more than to punch the queen's lights out, at least, if she knew how. The look was deep and blazing with fire and ferocity. Authority poured out of her demanding respect and the answer she wanted.

I looked over at her and what I saw was beautiful. She was radiating confidence and she knew she had influence. She was going to make the queen give into her demands if it was the last thing she ever did. This was a side of Lissa I'd never really seen before. Sure on the ski trip she'd solved the argument in the underground spa but the power she showed then was nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to this. Back then she was just using logic and people had gravitated towards her because she was the last of her family and spirit's subconscious affect on people. Now people were listening to her because she was strong and acting like she was more than ready to rule. Spirit had nothing to do with this. She wasn't using compulsion. She didn't have to.

I looked over at Tatiana. She wasn't holding up too well under that malevolent gaze, not that she was showing it. She was used to being put under pressure but I seriously doubted that anyone had ever dared to act like this towards her. She gazed coolly back into Lissa's eyes but nothing could distinguish the fire that burned within them.

"Leigh or Rose. The decision is yours." Tatiana caved.

The look didn't leave Lissa's eyes. "Leigh and Rose. And I get to choose my other guardian." She said smoothly. Her voice was smooth like honey but had a menacing undertone that brooked no argument.

"No. I chose your other guardian."

"Leigh, Rose and I chose my other guardian." She repeated. "Or our deal's off."

Tatiana visibly stiffened. Not long before the trials she had struck Lissa a deal already wanting to get on her good side. Liss had made it known that she didn't like the choice of universities available and so Tatiana had struck a deal with her. She made Leigh available but only if she would do things like spend weekends at court and show people around St. Vladimir's and stuff like that. She was making Lissa her protégé, hoping to get her under her thumb.

"Only if they're a seasoned guardian."

Lissa turned her glare off and appeared to shut down. She stood up and made her way over to the door. I seriously hoped she'd judged Tatiana right. The queen didn't move even as Lissa closed the door behind her. She didn't blink and didn't move. But the fight in her eyes was slowly dimming. She looked at Adrian. He merely arched an eyebrow, pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Get her back in here." Tatiana said.

Eddie, who was closest, to the door opened it. Lissa hadn't gone far, that much I could see but she paused a moment before she came back in. She was excited, so excited she almost pulled me into her head but her face was calm, ready to close the deal. She took her seat without invitation and waited expectantly.

"Who do you want to be your other guardian?"

"Eddie Castile." Lissa said without hesitation.

"Why?"

"What does it matter to you?"

Tatiana took a breath. "Very well."

Then she stood up and left the room without another word.

Everyone fell back into their chairs apart from Adrian who seemed perfectly at ease.

"Well, cousin, I don't think she'll mess with you anymore."

Lissa let out a slow breath. Christian went round to sit with her and gave her a hug. She looked a bit tired and I couldn't blame her – she'd just faced down the queen. I slowly got up and made my way over to her. She let go of Christian and gave me a hug.

"Thanks, Liss." I said sounding way more relieved than I realised I felt.

"Anything for you, Rose."

A messenger popped his head round the door and said that Lissa was late to meet the head master of St. Basil's. As our guardian detail didn't start for the next few days – we still had to collect gear and some other things – Eddie and I didn't have to go with Lissa. We stuck around in the meeting room discussing what had just happened. People filtered out leaving me stuck with Dimitri.

"Thanks." I said without looking at him. I was leaning on the table and he was sat in a chair.

"I didn't say a lot. The Princess did most of the work."

"You came." I stood up and left the room leaving the door open behind me.

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**So that's _Badass_ Lissa, hoped you liked it. Tell me what you think! **

**This is my super cool way of sayign Richelle Mead own VA: RICHELLE MEAD OWNS VAMPIRE ACADEMY. I DO NOT but I seriously wish I did!**

I'm still working on getting Chapter 6 to exist


	10. Rejection

**It's official: FanFic hates me! About three chapters are refusing to work for some people and I have no Idea why but DuskyGurl sent me this: **

**_Mm, at first I had issues with it showing up, but I finally went to the site_  
_and clicked on it since it wouldn't show up on my email, and it worked...I_  
_dunno why it's not working for some people, but it must be the site as usual._  
_=P_**

**So try it out and hope for the best. I hav eno idea what's goingon and can't fix it so if Dusky's advice doesn't work I'm sorry )':**

**Back to more fun exciting things (for thosse of you who can see this) This is Chapter 10 and I hope you like it! **I left grateful to be out of there. Being in the same room as him for so long was harder than I thought it would be. I had a lot to focus on but all the way through meeting I'd been very aware of him. He'd sat back with his guardian mask on the whole time showing better control than anyone else in the room. He sat back in his chair and rested his elbows on the arm rests clasping his hands. His hair was tied back and occasionally he had pushed a lock of it behind his ear only for it to fall back a few moments later. And he'd been watching me of that I was sure, probably to determine when he had to protect the queen from my flying fist.

* * *

I stepped outside and gulped a few lung-full's of crisp air. It did a lot to clear my head and I felt rather refreshed. Until Eddie fell instep with me. Normally someone falling instep with you wasn't a problem, right? Well this time it was clear Eddie wanted to talk about something.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Belikov kept looking at you the whole time. Want me to talk him for you? I know he hurt you."

"No." I said surprising myself. "He'll actually come and talk to me before long."

I knew that was a given. When the new semester began Lissa, Eddie and I would go to Leigh and Dimitri would go where ever the council sent him. The likely hood was we wouldn't see each other for years, if we ever saw each other again. My heart clenched at the thought of never seeing him again. But this was still his choice. If he wanted to fix this he'd have to come and _ask me_ for forgiveness. If we were so in sync all the time he'd surely know that already.

Eddie didn't respond to my reply in any particular way other than relaxing a little. I got the impression he didn't like my decision but he respected it all the same. Just like I had with Dimitri. Only this time round nothing bad would come of that respect.

"So, you, me and Liss all off to Leigh. How do you feel about studying some more?"

"Well we've kind of go to haven't we? Does she know what she's going to do yet?"

I laughed. "Does she ever. I think she even knows what she's going to do a PhD in. Political sciences and classical literature. I hope you like essays."

"Maybe she can write them all for us as well as her own. She's clever enough." He joked. "It's weird. We've been training for this for years. I thought I would be more excited."

"We've got someone's life in our hands. That's never an exciting prospect."

We walked in silence for a few more minutes as we made our way over to the Moroi rooms to find Lissa and Christian. Only when we go there it wasn't as happy as either of us had expected. Lissa was pouring through the Leigh prospectus and babbling something that I couldn't quite hear. Christian was leaning over her trying to make her see sense about something. Eddie looked at me asking what was going on. I hadn't checked the bond so I just shook my head and took another step into the room. Christian noticed us and silently asked us for help. I confidently strode into the room with Eddie following.

"Lissa. Calm down." I said with a hand on her shoulder.

She didn't look away from the book. I gently took it from her.

"Christian give it… Oh Rose."

"Hey Liss. What are you doing?"

"Looking at subjects. I need the prospectus." She reached for it again. I tossed it backwards and Eddie caught it. "Rose." She protested.

"Liss, sit down."

She sat back on the sofa eying up the book. Eddie threw it into the waste paper bin.

"Lissa, what's wrong?" he asked.

She didn't answer and made sure I couldn't hear it through the bond.

"She wants to change subjects." Christian began. "Because she doesn't think you'll like them."

Eddie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms before leaning against the wall. I sat with Lissa and took her hands in mine.

"After what you said…"

"It doesn't matter." I interrupted. "We're your guardians. We follow you."

"But…"

"Lissa. You're not changing your subjects. Final."

"It's not fair. Just like you said."

"I was angry and upset. Liss, we'll be fine."

"I'll make you a coffee." Eddie said.

Christian sat by her side and put an arm around her. She instantly calmed and I felt that all too familiar pang of jealousy. It wasn't too long ago that it was only me that could do that. Now it seemed more often than not that it was Christian who did that, don't get me wrong I was glad he could do it because there were times when I wasn't around but I was jealous all the same. And I knew he felt that way about what I did for Lissa – taking spirit's darkness away and all that because he thought he should be able to make her fell better no matter what the situation was. If I were in his place I would feel that way too. As it was we both put up with it for Lissa's sake and knowing that the other wasn't going to leave. Hell, he'd helped make it so I was her guardian so he was definitely all for me staying. There wouldn't have been a better way of getting rid of me than that.

Eddie came back with the coffee and drinks for the rest of us and handed them around.

"I propose a toast." I began. "To defying the queen and our happily ever after."

Everyone raised the cups saying "Happily ever after". Those were three words I'd never thought I would hear Christian say which had me laughing. To celebrate Lissa wanted to pot a movie on. We hadn't watched a film together in what felt like years. She had popcorn – lots of popcorn – brought over and then flicked through the movie channels. She wanted to put _The Proposal_ on. Christian, Eddie and I groaned and flatly refused. Eddie pulled the remote out of her hands and flicked back up to _Bride Wars_.

"Eddie how is _that_ better?" I asked.

"It's not _as_ soppy. You get to watch married couples argue and the brides fight in massive wedding dresses."

Somehow that sounded appealing and no doubt Christian would get a kick out of watching engaged people tearing each others throats out. Figuratively of course. Lissa gave me the look. The look that said: I bet you and Dimitri will be nothing like that. I shook my head slightly meaning for her to shut up about it.

But her look stayed with me the whole way through the movie. My mind kept on drifting back to Dimitri and his caresses and soft touch, the way he used to find excuses to touch my hair and skin. God, when did it all become so complicated? I missed the days when I was able to talk to him about what was going on in my life and what was going on in his life. Sometimes, like after he'd called his family after someone's birthday, I'd listen to him talk about them for most of the training session with such a fondness I just somehow knew he was s family man. He's smile and lose his tough love mentor mask and leave his godly status behind him. But I also missed just being around him even if we weren't saying anything.

That last time that had happened was when we were walking to our rooms after the lunch date, thing. We hadn't said anything to each other the whole way back we just walked in a comfortable silence our arms occasionally brushing against each other sending a wave of electricity through us. I didn't know how the people we passed didn't feel it but it was definitely there, so obvious to both of us. And then he walked me to my door and waited for me to close it behind me before he left.

Part way through the film I left saying I needed some air. And that was when I bumped into Dimitri. Literally. I wasn't particularly watching what I was I was doing and crashed into him when I rounded the corner on the stairs. Fortunately he was watching what he was doing and didn't go flying backwards. As soon as our skin touched fire raced around my body and my knees went weak. After about a second he was the only reason I was still standing. I hoped he thought it was because I had lost my balance but if he was feeling what I felt, if his heart was beating as fast as mine and if he was having the same difficulty in breathing as I was, then he'd know that lack of balance had nothing to do with falling further into him. He held me like that for a few seconds before I pulled away leaving his warmth behind.

"Hello, Rose."

"Hey." I said wistfully.

"Are you alright?"

That question had me finding my resolve. How dare he ask that after everything he put me though? Instead of telling him how I felt I answered like a typical teenager.

"Yeah."

As soon as I shut down Dimitri turned glum on the inside. He did a good job of not showing it but I felt it all the same. I leaned against that wall hoping to look nonchalant.

"I came to tell you that you need to meet outside the guardian building tomorrow at ten pm to collect some gear." He said formally. "I need to find Eddie Castile too."

"I know where he is I'll tell him."

"Alright." He nodded. I turned to leave. "I'm sorry, Roza."

The second he said that all the grief of the past few months came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. I felt my heart crack some more and I had to catch the banister to stop me from falling. The last time he'd called me that… The last time he called me that he was leaving. If this was poetry we were writing him saying that would be us getting back together. But it wasn't. It wasn't that easy. I waited for him to say something else like how stupid he'd been. Only he didn't.

"That's not enough, Dimitri." I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion, and fled.

I took the stairs two at a time and didn't stop until I reached Lissa's door. I pressed my forehead against it and breathed. I couldn't go down the stairs and get the air I so desperately craved. Although I was fairly sure Dimitri had already left I couldn't go down there. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. I tried to control my emotions. And failed. I'd just rejected Dimitri. He would be hurting now as much as I had been when he left me. The thought brought tears to my eyes. I stood up properly just knowing that I wouldn't be able to face them – Lissa, Eddie and Christian – today, or anyone else for that matter.

I sought the sanctuary of my room which was just a few doors down the hall way. I lent against the door when I shut it behind me and let tears run down my face as I sank to the floor.

I didn't cry exactly. Tears fell but they were nothing like the tears after Spokane or at Mason's funeral. I guess in a way they were worse because they just wouldn't stop coming even when I wiped them away and made myself busy reading the _Alchemists_ hand out though I suspected that was because he had given us that talk.

When the tears did finally stop I went out to get some lunch in the canteen that was in the guest building. Okay I was about an hour late but there were still some sandwiches left on the counter. I turned round to sit down but I saw Dimitri looking at me. Even from where he was he could tell I'd been crying. He started to get up but I turned on my heel and left back to the isolation of my room. Only I wasn't alone when I got back.

Lissa was waiting determined to talk.

"Rose – "

"Not now, Lissa." I snapped.

I sat on the sofa and flicked the TV on and watched whatever came up even though night time TV was generally rubbish this late. She turned it off and knelt in front of me.

"You're making a mistake."

"No I'm not." I retorted.

"Yes you are." Christian said.

"I thought you were supposed to like watching other people be miserable."

"It's not as satisfying when I've not been the architect behind that – "

"Christian, shut up." Lissa snapped. "Rose," she said softly. "You should talk to him."

"Eddie needs to know that we need to meet out front of the guardian building at ten tomorrow. Go tell him for me."

Lissa sighed, stood up and slammed the door behind her.

"She needs you to work the doors for her, she might break them."

He left saying, "He still loves you, Rose."

I hurled a pillow at him and was satisfied to see that it almost knocked him flying.

* * *

**Poor Dimitri. I feel sorry for him myself and I'm the one putting him thorugh all this... I should feel worse than the rest of you I guess. Tell me what you think by pressing that review button. C'mon you know you want to! **

**Too annoyed with broken chapters to come up with an amazing cool way to say Richelle Mead owns VA**


	11. Camping

**Hey everyone, I have a confession. I'm going on holiday for the next 9 days. So there will be no updates. Please don't kill me. My advice: take your time reading this one and enjoy it. I would love to come home to a mail box full of reviews and the such like so get pressing that 'review' button! Love ya'll! **

* * *

Stars lined the sky which had so far been cloudy when I went to the front of the guardian building. The air was slightly chilly and it was nice against my face – I was still slightly caught up about yesterday and the mist in the air did wonders to make me feel better. Eddie was near by and made his way over to me although I wished he wouldn't, and asked me why I disappeared yesterday. I lied and said I was thinking about the stresses of looking after Lissa and how our lives were going to change. He seemed to accept that no doubt having dwelled on the same subject before now.

There were a lot of us waiting outside the guardian building. Most of us were white making me think that we were mostly American. I couldn't pick out any accents other than American in the conversations I heard around me so it seemed a good bet. That and when I had a proper look round I recognised a fair few people.

Guardians split us off into groups of ten and took us to a massive filed at the back of the building. On that field we could all see a vast sea of tents that had been set up earlier in the day. They were all the same shade of green and people – for want of better words – were making camp. We trekked to the back go the field and were given tents and told to put them up.

Fear spiked within me as I remembered that fateful night. Rain, wind, hail, darkness. Dimitri's cry of pain. That cry shot through me again. I closed my eyes against it and a shiver snaked its way through my spine. The guardian started talking, telling us the basic frame work of the tent. I didn't hear it and was pulled into my own memories of how the tent worked. How it stopped people working.

The wound on Dimitri's hand, the feel of his blood on my skin flashed though my mind. It was a jagged wound, deep and rough. Nothing could have made it better apart from him going to get it checked out as soon as we had arrived like I urged him. I guess I was disappointed in him for thinking of me before looking out for himself. I would have been fine in the qualifier without him listening in unless Simona decided to take a swing at me. But he was all better now, right? I hated him for not letting Lissa heal him more than I did for him leaving. His leaving was only a repercussion of not letting Liss look at him. And it had all been his choice. I hated him for it but I respected his choice.

Only people moving off made me realise it was time to put our tents up. I hadn't even realised I'd been given one I was so wrapped up in my own musings. I found a space between two tents. Eddie and Meredith.

"Rose!" she called. "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Hey, Meredith!" I was more excited at seeing her than I possibly thought I could be under the circumstances. "How's it going?"

"I got Adrian Ivashkov."

"Adrian!" the pole I was putting together almost dropped from my hands. "I wish you luck. What does he need a guardian for he never leaves court unless it's for St. Vladimir's?"

"He's doing errands for Tatiana meaning he needs to leave. I'm with a French guy. A rather hot French guy." She grinned. "You get Lissa?"

"After a fashion." I grouched.

"What do you mean? Who did you beat up this time?" she joked and had a look round to see if she could see any bruises or broken bones.

"Nearly the queen."

Meredith actually dropped the pole she was about to put in a hole and stared wide eyes. She knew I was badass and had a temper but she didn't think I'd actually do something like that. I glanced over at Eddie, who had almost constructed his tent because he wasn't gassing, asking if I was allowed to tell her. He shrugged and finished his tent and moved onto the camp bed. I told Meredith who listened expectantly and almost laughed at the idea of Lissa being scary.

After that we just talked about random stuff which helped me keep my mind from Dimitri. Until he turned up. I was trying to put the last leg on the camp bed and was epically failing. His hand closed over mine and pushed down popping the leg into place. I jerked up and glared at him. He didn't do anything but look at me. I looked away and fiddled with the bed. A shadow blocked out the light over me and I could tell it was Eddie here to save the day.

"Do you need help or something, Eddie?" I asked. As soon as I said it I cursed myself for not leaping into his arms like a damsel in distress. Only I would have made it look cool.

"No. How's the hand Guardian Belikov?"

"Getting better, thank you."

Eddie nodded once and walked away but there was a warning in it.

I stood up and put the bed in the sleeping compartment of the tent and sat in it hoping Dimitri would get the idea and leave me alone. He followed. I made a show of unpacking my sleeping bag and setting it out on the bed. Finally I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"How's the hand?"

I looked round and looked at it for the first time. It was still slightly discoloured and the skin was wrinkled. I could see that there was no muscle mass left in his fingers. I would have expected to find a hand like that on an old withered man not my Russian God, not Dimitri.

"I told her to stop." He said knowing my thinking.

"You shouldn't have. You're no use to anyone whilst you can't work it properly."

He sighed and changed the topic of the conversation. "Eddie looked serious."

"Spokane changed him." I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat.

Before Spokane he'd been as light hearted as Mason, ready to joke and was almost as brash as Adrian at times. But after he'd changed and become serious knowing the real dangers of the world. Knowing just how dangerous strigoi are. He still joked sometimes but the quips were less frequent on his lips and he didn't smile as much. He'd changed. We'd all changed.

I got up and pulled my backpack into the tent. We'd been given them at the same time as the tents. We were going to spend the night camping out, getting used to our equipment. We had camp stoves, LED lights and a few other bits and pieces of equipment. I already had previous experience with it but I didn't protest the guardian's orders. I knew that having flashbacks was likely and I needed to overcome them in case this happened out there when I was guarding Lissa. I couldn't afford to slip out there so the sooner I got used to it the better.

Seeing I wasn't going to say anything else for whatever reason Dimitri left. And Eddie came in.

"Are you alright."

"Fine." I said thickly more upset about the memories of Spokane than seeing Dimitri. I looked up at him and once again saw his glazed eyes and slack body. I flinched.

Eddie looked as upset as I did and we both just sat there for a moment reflecting on our individual memories of Mason. I mostly felt guilty and at the same time realised Eddie didn't know what had happened between Mason and me. Nor did anyone else, perhaps not even Dimitri, I couldn't remember if I had told him. I figured at some point I probably had seeing as how I generally told him everything. At least I used to.

"What's this a pity party?" Christian asked rousing me from my thoughts. We hadn't even heard him turn up.

"I suppose you whished you had brought hats." I mumbled.

"It's six moths today." Eddie whispered.

Christian and I looked at him not even needing to ask what he meant.

"I was going to ask him to be my guardian." Christian said after a moment. "He was good."

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**Wow an emotional Christian! Let me know what you think and I'll read all those reviews (if I get any) when I get back on the 31st of August. And I promose I'll update as soon as I've read reviews and stuff. I'll be back at soem point in the _British_ evening, look forward to then! **

**Purple Pulse - good look with the withdrawel symptoms! :D **

**Richelle Mead owns VA and I'm incredbly jealous! **


	12. Poetry

**SO I got back of holiday today and - typically - today was hte best weather we had ): but the good news is I'M BACK and here's the last chapter of my story! Read it carefully. I hope you enjoy it. **

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The night passed uneventfully with no storms or coldness. The most interesting part was the tinned spaghetti I burned. Packing away was easy and soon I was back in my room wondering what to do. Some air seemed like a good idea so I wondered aimlessly around and ended up in a small copse of trees. Magic flared through the bond in time but I didn't think much of it as Lissa and Adrian often practiced with spirit round about now so I just sucked the darkness away from her. I sat on a rock and breathed away the memories of the last time I went camping. I don't know how long I sat there only that it was a while as I started to get hungry. Not that that was surprising since I hadn't eaten breakfast.

Footsteps sounded behind me but I ignored them mostly because I knew who it was.

"I let Lissa finish healing me."

Tears pricked my eyes at the sound of his voice. It was barely louder than a whisper but it was more than loud enough. It sent shivers down my spine and made me forget everything that I had been thinking about. With him I was safe and out of harms way. It didn't matter if it was physical or emotional harm I was suffering, he always made it okay, always helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"You should have let her do that in the first place." I whispered. I wanted to be angry and shout at him for all the hurt he put me through but I couldn't.

"Roza, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry!" I exploded whipping round to face him. "You're sorry. After everything you've done you think a simple sorry will fix this?"

I hadn't shouted or been angry about this yet. If I had let myself I would have shouted at and probably hurt the wrong person. The closest I'd come was ranting to Lissa about how much we'd sacrificed to keep her safe. Now, now that I was talking to him all my anger came forward in one rush of emotion which almost overcame me but seeing him stood before me gave me strength.

"Do you have any idea what kind of pain you've caused me? Do you honestly think I'm just going to forgive you after everything you've done to me? You know you could have just found me and explained everything and I would have listened. I might not have liked it, I may have shouted at you but I would have listened. You didn't even say good bye. Instead all you left me was some stupid letter that didn't even begin to explain what was going on."

So far he had kept his guardian mask on. But his eyes spoke more than words ever would have. They were so full of emotion that even his guardian mask couldn't over come it. There was love and pain and regret and disappointment. And, oh god, the tears that threatened to roll free.

"I never pinned you for a coward."

A solitary tear fell and his guardian mask crumpled. His whole body seemed to sag in, I don't know, defeat. I turned away so I wouldn't have to watch and walked away. Away from all the pain and heartache. I couldn't do this anymore.

He followed me. I quickened the pace. I didn't want to do this anymore. He'd broken my heart and I just didn't want to do this.

"Rose. Rose, wait. Rose." he caught my arms and made me face him. "I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry. I caused you pain and I'm sorry. But you caused me pain too."

"Oh, so now this is all _my_ fault? I'm not the one who left, _Cowboy_."

That last word spoke more than anything else I could have said. He flinched remembering the time I told him what I thought of cowboys. I'd said that they were people who moved around, robbed banks and made girls fall for them, took advantage of them and used them. And then just left never to be heard from again not caring who they hurt.

"Enough!" he snapped. "I'm not saying any of this is your fault because it's not – "

"So now you're doing it to ease your own pain?"

"I'm doing this because I love you, Roza."

As if just him using my Russian name wasn't enough I remembered he was holding my wrist in his iron tight grasp. Where our skin touched it burned and sizzled telling us we had to be together, that we were sole mates. But my soul along with my heart had been ripped in two and nothing, not even spirit, could fix that.

His hand came to touch my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.

"I love you."

"You've said that before." I looked way from his eyes. Away from him. "You lied to me after the lust charm, pushed me away and then took me back. At Christmas you almost left me for Tasha then took me back. Only to push me away again. I don't know that you won't do that again."

I stepped out of his reach and slowly walked away. I didn't get two steps away before he spoke.

"Roza."

In that one word was power. Raw, masculine power. More importantly love. His voice cracked when he said it betraying the fear within him. He was scared he was going to lose me.

"When I was in Baia I went to a friend, Oksana. She's a spirit user. I asked her to heal me and she did to an extent. As she did it your face, your beautiful face haunted me, Roza. I remembered what spirit did to you and I made her stop because the same was happening to her shadow kissed partner. That was before I even went home. When I did get home I cried, Rose. Just as I did when I wrote your letter. My mother held me and I cried all my unshed tears. I'd lost everything that was important to me. My independence, my job. You.  
I didn't go back to St. Vladimir's not just because I couldn't be useful there but because I was afraid you wouldn't want me. Because I knew that if I did go back if you did still want me we still couldn't be together. And you'd look at me with that pained look you have looked at me with every time you've seen me. I didn't want that for you.  
I thought I was protecting you. You'd be able to work better without me there. You'd move on and love someone else. But when I saw you fighting during your trials I knew that you still hadn't moved on." his voice hung in the air like lead weight.

"You thought I wouldn't love you?" I asked not even incredulous as I probably should have been. "You evidently don't know me very well."

I took another pace but Dimitri, tall, gorgeous, fierce Dimitri stopped me. He spun me round and pulled me close making me look up at him. I averted my eyes.

"What have I got to do to get you back, Roza? What have I got to do?" he shook me slightly as he said this. "What can I say? I made the biggest mistake of my life. I let Lissa heal me because I knew that was what you wanted even though it killed me inside. I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant for this. _Look at me_."

I didn't. I couldn't. Tears were streaming down my face and… I just couldn't.

He tilted my head towards him and it was like we were back in the gym before Christmas the last time we'd had a proper argument and I said he didn't love me. We were close, heat passing between us like a lake of fire. Our bodies moulded together, for better or worse.

"Damn it, Roza. I'm sorry. I made a stupid mistake and I regret it. I regret every moment I haven't spent with you. Even as they were passing I regretted them. Please answer me. I won't let you do this anymore, Roza."

And then I gave into the poetry, the poetry which had been filling me up and burning within me since the party after the trial. I burst into tears and threw my arms around his neck and just cried. He lifted me off the floor and held me tightly showering my hair and my cheeks in kisses and speaking to me in Russian, his voice like feathers against my skin. I was in the arms of my badass Russian jailor, my own personal sun, the centre of my universe. He was the one who I had instantly gravitated towards, the only one who could tell me he loved me and make everything alright.

He put me down but didn't let go. I could have stayed in that moment for ever and a day. We both could have. With his arms wrapped around me I felt untouchable. He was warm and soft and, oh how I'd missed this. His tears fell onto my hair and I pulled him closer if that was possible. In that moment I didn't know where he ended and I began. Which was how it was supposed to be.

All too soon my Dimitri pulled away from me and said:

"We have to tell your mother."

"She'll come round to it." I sniffed. Then I paled and my knees went weak. "Oh my God, what am I going to tell Eddie?" I whispered. And then babbled. "He doesn't even know about us, why I was so upset this whole time. He never knew. He didn't know that Mason came back because I told him I still hoped we could work us out. He doesn't know I lied to him. He still thinks that – "

"Rose – "

"He still thinks I loved him until the very end. He's going to hate me Dimitri. He's going to blame me and won't ever forgive me and I'll lose him too – "

"Rose!"

I looked into Dimitri's eyes and instantly felt calmer.

"I'll be with you. Always."

And with that his lips came crashing down to mine.

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**Okay so... THERE IT IS. Rose and Dimtri are together. Let me know what you think... go on you know you want to review! **

**This is almsot the last time I have to say that VA belongs to Richelle Mead and not me. I say _almost _becuase there's a little, short epilogue after this (: **


	13. A Few Final Words

**Okay here's the Epilogue... well it's more like a short paragraph per character but I didn't really want to write another chapter because I think that the last chapter was a ggod place to have the main / proper ending, and also becuase couldn't tie everything off that I thought needed to be closed in one chapter without making it really stupidly long so I wrote this instead. Hope you like (: **

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Meredith managed to put up with Adrian but knocked out the hot French dude for groping her butt. He got sacked and replaced with a hot English bloke who she fell head over heels in love with. He loves her back. They're getting married in a few months.

Eddie forgave me in time. He let what happened between Mason and me slide but he couldn't believe I kept it all a secret from him for so long. For a while I couldn't stop apologising. That is until he threatened to leave Lissa because he couldn't stand it anymore. I shut up pretty quickly.

Lissa became queen at the ripe old age of twenty one. She made combat training for all Moroi compulsory but it still working on offensive magic and has made sure the Dhampir and Moroi suites in guest housing are all the same – luxury. She demanded that 'Dhampir' be spelt with a capitol 'D' in all the records and forced the rest of the Moroi council to change it by themselves, the long way round. They grumbled I laughed. 'Guardian' is to be spelt with a small 'g' emphasising that we're people not robots. The guardian council has more power and freedom. Everyone loves her.

Christian has postponed his work with Tasha in getting more people on board with using offensive magic and is preparing for their baby. He's living the dream and trying out recipes on the unfortunate people who happen to be in the room at the time. I say unfortunate because he barrages us with questions but we put up with it because his meatloaf is pretty damned awesome. He still pisses me off.

Mom accepted that I'm going to marry Dimitri and Simona fixed him up with a Moroi who lives full time on campus so we can be together.

Dimitri and I have our happily ever after. We're getting married soon. I had to put my foot down when he threatened to put a quotation in his vows from some western novel. I've let him have something that sounds vaguely like Shakespeare because it's better than some line John Wayne said. It goes something like this:

"_See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.  
__Oh! That I were the glove upon that hand  
__that I may touch that cheek."_

… Oh, I have to meet his family tomorrow and he's ecstatic. I'm scared shitless.

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**So that's the official end to the story and I hope you liked it and the rest of the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. For what was supposed to be a one shot I don't think I did too badly - do you? Let me know what you think. **

**Errr... I guess I should thank William Shakespeare for the quotation I borrowed from _Romeo and Juliete Act 2 Scene 2_. And for _Purple Pulse_ for giving it to me. **

**And now for the last time... The brilliant _Vampire Academy_ series belongs to its creator _Richelle _Mead. **

**Finallly I'd like to say a massive thank you to everyone who stuck with the story, gave me author/story alerts or favorite author/story makers and most of all to all those who reviewed. Reviews and all the rest of them are good so a massive thanks to y'all :D **


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